Sex and Self-Control
I ran across this image a couple of weeks ago while looking for an image for another post. I had a very strong negative reaction to the image, as I suspect most men would. I have no idea how most women will see the image, but I suspect it’s different.
I think most men will see the image as a woman, or women in general, trying to limit men’s sexuality. The why for that is interesting.
In the bad old days, it was assumed men had little or no control over their sexuality, and women were expected to keep men from going too far or getting too aroused. This lead to over the top calls for modesty, blaming the victim for being raped, and it being the woman’s fault if pre-marital sex resulted in pregnancy. It was an ugly double standard, and sadly it existed in the church as well as society as a whole. What’s more, it was not just men pushing this. Plenty of women blamed women who “let men” do things they should not have, and plenty of women felt it was a wife’s job to limit sex in her marriage. (My mother took my wife aside and said, “You don’t have to have sex every day.”)
Today the pendulum is headed for the other extreme. We have women who think men should not notice if they go topless (free the nipple for example). We have women who blame men for getting aroused in a situation that would arouse any man. Apparently a woman should be free to wear anything she wants and do anything she wants and not have some man get aroused by it unless she wants him to get aroused.
Part of the issue is when and where self-control happens. Some women get upset that men are aroused by what they see. As much as some of us would like to be able to turn that off, we can’t. What we can do, and should do, is learn to turn both our eyes and our minds away from any source of arousal other than our wife. Something different is needed in marriage. He can’t help getting aroused when he sees you half naked, but he does need to resist always throwing you on the nearest flat surface for a quickie. It should be okay with you that your body arouses him (actually, it should be way more than okay), and he should respect your not wanting to be groped every time you show a bit of breast.
I’m talking to the men about this tomorrow over on The Generous Husband. Feel free to read along there and comment.
Great Post: Should You Track the Frequency of Sex in Your Marriage? | Hot, Holy & Humorous ◄ I know a lot of men do this, and some women get upset by it. J has a good perspective on the issue.
This week’s TMB survey is How hurtful/harmful/destructive is looking at porn for a marriage? ◄ I’d really appreciate it if you would take a few minutes to do this one.
~ Paul – I’m XY and don’t think most of us understand what the Bible says about self-control in general, much less when it comes to sex.