It’s easy for men (or women) to use sex to resolve or medicate non-sexual issues. I think some of that is well and good. If sex helps one get better sleep, it’s a win/win. A good orgasm can bring significant pain relief, and I think that’s good too. I talked last Friday about using sex to reassure your husband. Sex can also be a powerful help in times of grief. All of that seems fine to me, and I actually think God designed sex to help with all these things.

The problem is when sex becomes a way of pushing things away. Sex is not a good way to deal with being worried about something you need to do or something you did that you shouldn’t have done. Sex works for this, but it does nothing to fix the problem. It’s like getting drunk or high, the problem is still there and possibly getting worse because it’s being ignored.

So is your husband using sex for non-sexual needs? Almost certainly. The question is if he’s using it for good things or as a way of not dealing with things he needs to deal with. It’s a difficult question, and it’s easy to get it wrong from outside. Maybe he’s using it for both, or maybe he has both kinds of issues but is really only using sex for things God designed sex to help. Don’t jump to any conclusions. If you’re concerned, talk with him, and focus more on what you think he needs to do than the sex.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m amazed at all the good God packed into sex!

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