I’ve mentioned this before, but it came up in a comment recently and I realised it’s been awhile since I wrote on it.

When you husband does something “for you”, don’t criticise how he does it. 

I’ve had a number of men tell me they no longer load the dishwasher, or do the laundry, or fold the towels, or put anything away, because rather than appreciation they get complaints. Do that a few times and most men will just stop trying… forever! Even worse he may stop doing much of anything.

The less aggressive way of doing this is to follow behind him and redo it the way you think it should be done. Odds are he will be aware of it, and while it’s not as hurtful, it’s still a slap in the face.

I do realise sometimes there is a right and wrong way to do things. But most of the time he’s not doing it wrong, he’s doing it differently. If it’s really a matter of harmful or dangerous, then discuss that with him AFTER you thank him for his help. If his way isn’t wrong but drives you crazy, I suggest thanking him and saying “It would be even more helpful if you could _____.”

BTW, there are several things around the house I make a point of doing because I like the way I do them better than the way Lori does them. Her way isn’t wrong, and I would never try to tell her to do it my way. I just make sure I get there first on the things that really matter to me.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and we don’t even have a dishwasher.

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