Are You Hiding Behind Righteous Indignation?

I’ve seen a lot of marriages hurt by a spouse (or both spouses) using righteous indignation as a way of not dealing with things.

Are You Hiding Behind Righteous Indignation?

It works like this – whatever the other did is just so horrible it justifies disconnecting or setting ridiculous goals for being forgiven. 

Sometimes the indignation is an exaggeration, but often it is not. But regardless of how real or appropriate it may be, it should never prevent a couple from working to make things better. Problems only get worse when they are put on hold.

Yes, men do this too, and I will be discussing it over on The Generous Husband shortly. But what about you? Have you ever done this? Or, have you ever told a girlfriend she was justified when she did this?

~ Paul – I’m XY, and my wonderful wife is more about righteousness than indignation! 

A Great Post: Please check out Sanctuary over on The Forgiven Wife. It’s a beautiful post about the blessings that come from doing the hard stuff in marriage.

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2 Comments on “Are You Hiding Behind Righteous Indignation?

  1. Yeah, I am. And I got stuck in a cycle of complaining, seeking validation, and “martyrdom.” One of the reasons is that I was hoping that someone somewhere would have the word or the prayer or the idea that I could plug into my marriage and be a solution to the problem….something I could say or do that would turn the lightbulb on in hubby.

    I’m beginning to think of it like a sickness or cancer that God chooses not to heal, but can definitely work through it and help us through it. I think where I get hung up is that once in heaven the cancer patient is healed and whole. Once I get to heaven, I don’t get oral sex there, either! I get on this destructive path that this is my one time shot at the married sex life I want, and I am not getting any younger…and neither is hubby. In fact, because of his age and health issues, I foresee a sexless marriage before I even hit menopause!! So, I suppose that is all the more reason to make peace now, extend grace now, work with what I have no, stop complaining now, let go and let God.

  2. I think that at heart, excepting the cases in which one has married a terrorist or drug trafficker, righteous indignation is rooted in an “I’t all about ME” attitude.

    We see ourselves indulgently, deserving of slack, while holding our spouses to the internal standards by which we define their performance.

    Not too healthy, and it makes growth a bit difficult.

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