An interesting but not surprising thing that came out in our How Bad is Porn Use? was how much women hated their husband lying about porn. In fact, lying about porn use was rated worse than going to a strip club, and second only to having an affair.

Lying destroys trust, and when trust is gone a marriage is in trouble.

What I want to address today is the supposed line between privacy and lying. It seems a lot of folks think they have some right to privacy, even with their spouse. The thought behind it is not mentioning something is okay because it’s not lying about it. Some things are private, none of their spouse’s business, and that’s just how it is.

What gets me is how many men have told me they never lied about their porn use. She didn’t ask and he didn’t tell. I doubt any of these guys got a pass from their wife because they didn’t technically lie, and I don’t think they should.

Privacy is often another word for secrets, and secrets are a dangerous thing. Most affairs started with a few secrets. Of course many guilty of this would argue they’re not keeping secrets, they just don’t volunteer every detail of their life to their spouse. I think that’s just another example of trying to create a line where none exists.

I realise your husband may have no interest in much of what you do (and I’m sorry about that), but that doesn’t give you a pass. I think we all know the things we need to be sharing. When we stop sharing those things, something is wrong and trouble is knocking at the door.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and it’s pretty difficult to have secrets living in an RV next door to family!

Great Posts:
Q&A with J: How Do I Get My Husband to Do What Turns Me On? | Hot, Holy & Humorous
Leading in the Marriage Bed | Awaken-Love

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