If I had my preference, all the appliances in our kitchen would be red. But only the blender is red.

I don’t think about the colour of an appliance when I use it. I don’t like the blender more because it’s red or the mixer less because it’s white. They all do what they should well, and my colour preference is a very minor issue.

I bring this up because I’ve seen a lot of talk in the comments about men’s preferences for how women look. Some of you know or think you know you’re a long way from what your husband prefers, and this seems to cause a lot of turmoil and angst for some. Somehow “preference” has become something huge, something vitally important, rather than the rather insignificant thing it really is.

Along these same lines, I think some (most?) women are far more concerned about physical beauty than the vast majority of men are. I just don’t get it, why does how we look matter so much? If my wife and I both lost our eyesight what we look like would cease to matter. Since what we love about each other is more than skin deep this would change nothing. Our love for each other and our desire for each other would remain the same.

Unless your husband is an extremely shallow person, what you look like is really not a big deal to him. Yes, he has preferences, but they’re just that, nothing more. How you act and how you treat him are so much more important to him than anything to do with how you look. If you’re making too much out of his preferences you’re torturing yourself and hurting your marriage.

By the way, if you did a survey you would find a lot of men married women who don’t match their physical preferences. These men weren’t “settling” in any way. They sought what matters most to them – things that have nothing to do with how a woman looks. When they found the women they just had to have based on what’s inside, the package was a non-issue. 

~ Paul – I’m XY, and my wife’s integrity and generosity mean a million time more to me than her looks.

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