Feeling Responsible When You’re Not

Taking responsibility when we should is a hallmark of maturity. When either spouse refuses to take responsibility as they should it cripples the marriage at the very least and can eventually kill the marriage.

Trying to take responsibility when it’s not yours to take is also a problem, and from my observations, wive’s are more likely to fall into this than husbands. I don’t know if it’s society or a gender difference, but it seems many women assume responsibility for things they aren’t responsible for and can’t control or change. This leads to frustration, anger, guilt, and even depression. 

Do you feel responsible for your husband or your kids in ways you should not? Spend some time thinking and praying about it and set down anything that’s not yours to hold.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I don’t want my wife to feel responsible for what I do or say.

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6 Comments on “Feeling Responsible When You’re Not

  1. Yep, and I think part of it is wanting to protect our children, keep peace in the home, pick up the slack so our kids don’t suffer, and all the myriad of articles in the christian blogosphere telling us wives to submit more, pray more, nag less, not lead, be less frumpy, have more sex (for him), be modest, me time is bad, sacrifice more, its godly to endure neglect and even abuse, etc…all putting the responsibility of “winning him without words” and “getting him to lead” on wives.

    • libl,

      Amen to your post. In some, but not all Christian culture there is way to much responsibility put on woman. Such a telling list. I do my best to weed out most of the current Christian culture voices and pay attention to the still small voice.

  2. I needed to be reminded of that. Thanks. I am responsible for myself and my actions and no on else’s. I need to remember that more frequently than I do.

  3. The flip side is getting blamed for things that are in no way my responsibility or under my control. E.g. the kids were bad while I was at work, the car shop took too long, the grass grew too long because it rained all weekend, etc.

  4. Libl is mostly right here. Wives are worse about this because we get told by society in general, (and especially in the Christian culture), that we’re pretty much the ones responsible for everything going smoothly. The guy is supposed to lead, but we make that possible by taking responsibility for everything…at least according to most Christian voices. Like others here, I try to listen for the voice of the Spirit, more than the voice of culture, Christian or non.

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