The other side of Feeling Responsible When You’re Not is feeling your husband is responsible for something when he is not.

I could go many ways with this, but I want to address one I have seen cripple or kill a number of marriages. Your husband is not responsible for your mother being too controlling, your sister being mean, or your step-father abusing you. Neither is he responsible for being teased about your size (of any body part, large or small) when you were in school or the college professor who had it out for you.

Of course, we all know and agree with this, but I often see people who seem to expect their spouse to fix some past injury or pay the price for the injury. This is unfair and because the spouse can’t fix it the issue continues to hurt both of them.

Yes, there are some caveats to this. I was not responsible for the fact my wife suffered sexual abuse as a child or rape in college. However, my love for her required me to be understanding while she worked on getting healed. Had she been unwilling to work on healing, things would have been different and not ended as well.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m glad my wife was so dedicated to dealing with her stuff!

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