Does just reading the word “codependent” make you want to scream? I get it – I’ve heard way too much about it and seen it applied to pretty much anyone who’s not a full on narcissist.

That said, it’s a real thing, and it can cripple a marriage. Definitions vary a great deal, but at its core codependency is two people in an unhealthy relationship. One defends the other’s weakness/sin, or makes allowances for it, or for covers for it. The other person is unable to function on their own, relying on the other in an unhealthy way.

This has become increasingly tricky because some promote a level of separation and individuality that violates the kind of relationships and community God calls us to have. Some of what I would call agape love is seen as codependence by others. In a healthy marriage, we care for and about each other, and we care what our spouse thinks and feels. Total independence and not caring at all what anyone else thinks is not a Godly way to live. 

How do you draw these lines? Is the Bible your go to for relationship models? 

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I could survive without Lori, but I wouldn’t be happy about it!

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