Sexual Urgency: Gotta Have it RIGHT NOW!
Okay, this is going to be tricky. Let’s see if we can get through it together!
First I want to suggest what I’m talking about here is a strictly male thing. I can’t prove that and I’m sure some will disagree with me. I’ve heard women say they feel something similar to this, but what I hear from them doesn’t sound like the same thing to me. I say this because I fear some will miss what I’m saying by thinking it’s the same thing they experience. Past that I won’t argue with anyone who says she feels exactly what I’m going to describe here.
Sometimes a guy feels an extreme urgency to have sex with his wife RIGHT. NOW! But wait, this is not a physical thing, or at least not just physical. I have no doubt the physical is in there, but that’s more a result of the emotional desire than a cause of the urgency. Of course, it’s a feedback loop, so the physical makes the urgency even stronger.
What makes this different than just being “horny” is the need is not to have sex and climax. The need to be with and in your wife in every way possible. I can’t explain exactly how this happens, but I know the trigger is feeling close and intimate. It’s as if the intimacy is so good it demands being expressed sexually because for a man that is the ultimate expression of intimacy. (Please see I said “expression” there.) I’m guessing here, but I think it’s kind of like when a woman is so romantically moved she can’t help crying. In both cases it’s what is felt, and it’s what is needed.
When a man feels this kind of sexual urgency, waiting till tonight, or when the laundry is done, or “after I shower” won’t do it. The urgency is tied to emotions that can’t be put on hold. In half an hour he will gladly have sex and enjoy it, but it won’t be what he was craving when he felt the urgency. Physically it will be fine, but from an intimacy standpoint, it will feel hollow compared to what could have been.
If you listen for it, I suspect you can hear it when your husband is in this place. Or at the very least I think you can discern this is something other than “I’m horny again.” If you hear it, make a real effort to have sex right then, and if possible right where you are. It won’t be the best sex ever for either of you, but it will be one of the most intimate things he will ever experience with you.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and yeah, much of this post if first person, but I’ve talked to other men who feel the same thing.