Just One Thing

  1. Ask your hubby what one thing you can do to make his life better.
  2. Do that thing.
  3. Next month keep doing that one thing and ask him for another.

Just One Thing

If his one thing is sexual, smile and do it if it’s not wrong, painful, or too gross to consider. Then next month ask him what one non-sexual thing you can do to make his life better.

~ Paul – I’m XY, I’ve learned one is a powerful number!

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11 Comments on “Just One Thing

  1. What a nice idea! But one should not be put off by a husband who says, “Gosh, I can’t think of anything!” or, “Nothing right now, I’m OK.”

    A question like “What can I do for you?”, out of the blue, may be much more of a surprise than you realize, and your husband may be totally unprepared. Past life experience with his original family may have given him the long-ago message that his needs or desires were irrelevant, and directly addressing the issue may cause some confusion. I know; it happened to me.
    Andrew Budek-Schmeisser recently posted…Your Dying Spouse 348 – The Other Side Of Me {FMF}My Profile

  2. This is a great idea. I asked my wife but she said I already do so much so she couldn’t think of anything. She asked me too but I have a problem receiving things for free. And to be honest my request was pretty obvious: Have sex every time I would want. And if she is not up to it, a handjob. Now that may sound like it would be tons of sex but For me it’s enough with once or twice a week. I would probably wait one week to not be a pain in the butt. But I also know my wife is very bad at following up on things so it wouldn’t matter if I told her. So if you are going to do this, be prepared to follow through even if you don’t always feel like it.

  3. Every month another thing? I’ve been married for nearly 36 months, I don’t think I could remember 36 things, and where would I find time to do those 36 things every month along with the stuff he wouldn’t mention because it’s just my job – cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc.

    • I understand you. I do most of the chores at home(not as good or fast as my wife, I just don’t know how she gets everything so clean) and in the end of the day i don’t want to do anything. My wife’s one thing a month is massages and I can’t say it is easy but I try to do it everyday. The key for me has been not to expect that I will feel ” romantic, lovedovy feelings” before I do it. I just do it and Know that I do it because I love her. That has at least helped me when I don’t really feel like doing it.

    • That’s a very good point, Lynn. I wonder if once you get past month 5, then have it be the “top-5”. This can’t be one sided though. I (as hubby) would expect to be doing the same for my DW, right along with her.

    • @Lynn – If you keep doing them they will become habits and you won’t have to remember them.
      Hopefully, a lot of them will be small, simple things. Stuff like “Wear perfume when we go out” and “Don’t ask me to do anything for the first half hour after I get home from work”.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…No Translation NeededMy Profile

  4. I have to be honest, I do so much for him already, I don’t think I could add to the list. Oh, there are always things to do, but I mean my energy, my time, my ability is already worn thin and frayed and I get so little to fill me back up relationally. I am already pulling out my “God, I need Your strength where I have none” cards. I literally just spent two days in bed because of giving giving giving, caring caring caring.

    Then, he hands me ridiculous lingerie, but my heart goes out because I know it means so much to him and it boosts him up. I wear it for him despite feeling unattractive and foolish, but I know he thinks I am sexy. Then, we have sex and before I can even fully get into it, he is done, looks at me sheepishly, “because I am sooo sexy,” but once again I go to bed unsatisfied.

    I just can’t seem to speak in a way he hears. I just can’t seem to articulate what I so desperately need in a way he will respond. It is like I am crying for morphine, but he gives me children’s Tylenol and looks hurt and confused that it isn’t working. “But, I am giving you a pain reliever! I am giving you what I’ve got! You should be happy I have something to give you.”

    • My heart goes out to you, Libl. I pray you can find a way to get your husband to understand your needs, he is a very selfish man. I can relate because my ex-husband was very selfish in the bedroom.

      Please get help and don’t follow the foolish advice of giving him all the sex he wants in hopes that one day he will become less selfish in the bedroom. That just enables him to continue behaving how he is and he will continue to be content not realizing or not wanting to deal with the issue. I’m not sure what the answer is for you, but perhaps counseling, even just for you, would help you develop the ability to know how to communicate your needs to him.
      Amy recently posted…Winning the battleMy Profile

    • @Libl – On the sex issue just be blunt – “If I want an orgasm, I need you to make sure that happens.” Then keep saying it. Then say it before sex, indicating this is one of those times.

      The problem is you have put up with it for years, so he assumes it’s okay even if you make a bit of noise about it.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…No Translation NeededMy Profile

  5. I shared this post with my husband and he (thinking it just meant, what sexual thing can I do) said, “I’d have to start reading Cosmopolitan to find more things!”

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