Explaining Means: Redux

Recently a (female) friend suggested I have moved away from the “explaining men to women” mission of this blog. I had already been thinking this same thing and was working to get back to that more. Below is the very first post I made on this blog, followed by a few thoughts.

Explaining Means: Redux

The goal of this blog is to explain to women what their husbands think and feel, and why they do what they do. However:

  • This does not mean his way is right.
  • It does not mean your way is wrong.
  • Explaining in no way excuses or justifies any sin.
  • Neither does it free him from the consequences of his choices.

What explaining can do:

  • Equip you to reason with him.
  • Make it easier for you to explain things in a way he will understand.
  • Allow you to share your wants and needs more effectively.
  • Give you opportunities to bless him.
  • Make it more likely the two of you can work out problems.

In short, the better you understand him, the easier both of your lives should be. 

It will seem at times that I expect you to do what it takes to change your marriage, letting him off the hook. When I talk to men, I focus on what they can do to better their marriage; when I talk to women, I focus on what they can do to better their marriage. I also tell men that the most mature spouse starts the changes…

I look forward to making the male mind a bit less confusing place for you!

Pay attention to the part I bolded above. From the start, my intention was to first explain and then suggest how a woman can use that to better her marriage. I’m not pointing that out to justify the drift over the last few months, but it’s not as much of a drift as it may have seemed.

Still, I’m working to do more explaining of men in these posts. If you would like me to tackle some odd male behaviour or thinking, hit the contact form.

~ Paul – XY and I’m still loving it!


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4 Comments on “Explaining Means: Redux

  1. “I also tell men that the most mature spouse starts the changes…”

    And…this means what exactly?? The man will be the more mature spouse if he makes the first move meaning his wife is not mature enough or if the wife makes the first move then the husband is an immature idiot? LOL
    Amy recently posted…Winning the battleMy Profile

    • The more mature spouse will only start changes if the less mature spouse responds in kind. Otherwise, it is hopeless. Maturity does not involve banging your head against the wall until it stops hurting.

      • My comment was mostly sarcasm, but honestly, I’ve always hated people saying that it’s the more mature person who makes the first move. We should be telling men AND women, that it just takes one person to make a move, period. Doesn’t mean they are more mature than their spouse for choosing to try and make changes, and it definitely does not mean there will be any change and/or growth because of it. But to say, he tells men that the more mature spouse is the one to make the first move, is rather off putting to me. ;)
        Amy recently posted…Winning the battleMy Profile

    • @Amy – It means if you sit around waiting for your spouse to act first, you are not being mature. If you just can’t that’s one thing; if you won’t even try it’s another thing.

      And be aware that for men, this is a challenge, and most men respond to a challenge.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…Kindness: Words MatterMy Profile

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