Women often take offence at this one. I get it, really I do. But it’s real, and being offended doesn’t change it. It might make him hide it, but that’s not making it go away. So…

Sometimes a man wants sex because he needs release. This is not “sex would be nice” or “I need sex”, it’s “IGOTTAHAVESEX!!!” It’s not about romance or intimacy. It’s not even about pleasure. It’s about needing the pressure to go away.

Some men feel a physical pressure, others think it’s more mental. Odds are it’s some of both. Whatever it is most (not all, but most men) will feel the pressure on occasion, and when they do they just want it to go away.

I realise this is not the kind of sex you want. If it helps, it’s not the kind of sex he wants either. I’ve never talked to a man who likes this aspect of male sexuality, and I think all men would be thrilled to never feel this again. It’s not a good or enjoyable thing, it’s a bad thing. But it is a thing, and the only solution is ejaculating. To try and give you some idea what it’s like – have you ever been so tired you just want to sleep but also so hungry you really need to eat? You would rather fall into bed and pass out, but your stomach won’t let you. You would gladly forgo the pleasure of eating if doing so make your hunger go away.

When your hubby is in this place you can graciously and lovingly help him, you can do it begrudgingly, or you can tell him no. Only one of those three is good for your marriage. 

Feeling a need for release is the result of going “too long” without sex. How long is too long varies from man to man and time to time. Stress will change it, up for some men, down for others. A lot of sexual stimuli can cause it to happen sooner. Age makes this less of a problem as it takes longer without sex to reach this point. 

If he’s making noise about release often, more frequent sex would help. When a man is truly looking for release how it happens is rather unimportant. Anything you do will work and will be appreciated. If he’s picky about what you do, he’s probably not dealing with the need for release. Or he is and he’s being unreasonable about it.

My suggestion is you see this as something you do for him because he needs it and you love him. If he learns you will be reasonable about this it will make him feel very good about you. If he knows you won’t help him, or will make a big deal about it, he’s going to feel something different about you.

And yes, I’ve had women tell me they experience the same thing. I can’t know if this is the case of not, but I’ve never heard a woman express it the way men do. But that could be because they verbalise it differently.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I really wish this were not a thing!

Links may be monetised
Image Credit: © denisismagilov | stock.adobe.com
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
Where we’re going Contact us about speaking