You Haven’t Mentioned It Recently…
This one is certainly human nature, but I think it’s more common in the direction I describe. *
You tell him something is bothering you, and that you want/need/desire him to make changes. You mention it a few more times, then you stop bringing it up. He decides it must no longer be a big deal to you because you’ve stopped mentioning it.
I think one big reason this is more likely to happen with you as the “victim” is that many women are eager to avoid being considered a nag. It must feel as if your choices are being called a nag or going without what you need. Not a great place to be.
Consider this, him calling you a nag doesn’t make you one. If he knows how that label makes you feel he might even use it to manipulate you. Beyond that, his thinking you’re a nag doesn’t make you one.
The definition of nag is “annoy or irritate (a person) with persistent fault-finding or continuous urging.” If you’re making your needs known, then you are not fault-finding. If you give him a reasonable amount of time to make changes before you mention it again you are not bringing it up continuously. If your husband says you’re nagging he’s using an alternative definition of nag that means “reminding me of something I should do but don’t want to do“.
If your husband is a total jerk, it probably doesn’t matter. However, if he’s good willed but overwhelmed and/or just a bit selfish, then making your needs known until they are met may make things better. If you keep bringing it up and nothing happens you could escalate by telling him you’ve been asking about this for [amount of time] and he’s done nothing about it. Ask him if he has any intention of dealing with it, because if he doesn’t you will stop bothering him about it.
~ Paul – I’m XY and my mom nagged me, but my wife doesn’t.
* The one exception to this is sex – a lot of men do this with sex.