One of the great destroyers of marriage is perception. You intend something for good, and he perceives it another way. He intends something as a compliment, and you take it another way. I see a great deal of this in the comments on my blogs. A man or woman gets it in his or her head that their spouse thinks a certain thing, or feels a certain way, or likes or dislikes something, and that perception becomes their reality. He says “orange” but she’s sure he means pink, and nothing he says can change her mind. She says black, and he sees green.

If you’re on the receiving end of this it’s frustrating, and you have limited power to do anything about it. Be clear, and be consistent. Repeat it often enough, and it should start to sink in.

If you’re the one who is seeing or hearing something other than he’s saying, you have the power to question it. Why are you so sure he means something different than what he’s saying? Is it possible there’s another explanation for what you think proves he’s lying to you?

By the way, a great deal of this comes from our past. If your mother said your feet are too big, you won’t be predisposed to believe your husband when he says he likes your feet. If a past girlfriend said he was horrible at oral sex, he may refuse to do it on you even if you assure him it was great the few times he tried it. 

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’ve had this topic scheduled for a couple of weeks, so don’t perceive it as being because of some recent comment!

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