Understandable, But A Bad Idea
I wanted to title this post “Why Denying Him A Sex Act He’s Done With Someone Else Is A Really Bad Idea” but long titles are a problem for post sharing.
On both my blogs and other’s blogs I have seen comments from women who say they will never engage in some sex act their husband wants because he did it with a former girlfriend. In a couple of these comments, the woman even said she had wanted to try the act until she found out he did it with someone else.
I think the idea here is “I’m not going to compete with his past.” I get that, but I also understand how that looks to a husband. He sees his wife as the women who refuses to do something she knows he enjoys. In reality, his wife has set up a competition with his past that she can never win because she won’t even try. She makes his past look better than what he’s doing with her, which is hardly what she’s going for!
I understand the fear of being compared to some past lover. I was once interested in a girl who had been a wild party thing before she got saved, and the idea of getting married and trying to live up to that was a bit daunting. But had I ended up with her, I would have wanted to know what she enjoyed in the past because it would help me be the best lover I could to her. The fact someone has learned what they like by engaging in sin doesn’t change the fact they have developed certain preferences. I don’t think we should feel we must do all those things, but rejecting them because of how they were discovered seems both unwise and unloving.
But what about the fear that “I will never do it as well as Mary Beth did it”? Seems to me doing it at all is going to bless him more than not doing it. I would certainly appreciate the effort, and I think most husbands would feel the same way.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and my wife didn’t have much to live up to.