It’s About the Relationship, Stupid
slow male, but I usually get there. I’ve been trying to figure out what I was missing in the 65 comments in the Understandable, But A Bad Idea post and the 101 (and counting) comments on Why You’re Not Getting Spaghetti.
And then, finally, the lightbulb went on. It’s About the Relationship, Stupid.
I know that women are wired for relationship in a way men aren’t, and I should have seen it sooner. Apparently, there are certain things women don’t separate from the relationship(s) in which it previously occurred. Men don’t do this nearly as much. She thinks about the context, while he just thinks about the thing. The song, movie, restaurant or sex act he learned he enjoyed with Matilda is only peripherally connected to Matilda in his mind. Those things are just things to him, and they don’t carry emotional or relational ties for him.
My purpose for this post is two-fold. First I want you to know most men don’t make these connections the way most women do, and most of us don’t even consider that a possibility. Second I want your feedback on this before I try to educate the guys about it. I’ve run this by a couple of card-carrying women and not been told I’m clueless, so I think I’m on the right track. So where can I improve on that?
~ Paul – I’m XY, not XX!