That’s Not Respect!

I’ve heard all kinds of horrible things justified as “respecting your husband”. And it’s not just men, I’ve heard women teach these gross distortions of what God intended. Other women talk about how they show respect and include some things I would call abuse if their husband were demanding it of them.

That's Not Respect!

Among other things, never speaking up for your needs is not respect. Neither is it respect to stay silent when you know your husband is wrong.

If your husband doesn’t want to hear your opinion, there’s something wrong. Maybe it’s as simple as how he was taught. But it could be more. A wise man wants all the input he can get. A man who’s afraid of what his wife has to say has issues that have absolutely nothing to do with his wife.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I regularly ask Lori for her opinion.

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7 Comments on “That’s Not Respect!

  1. Making snide or derisive comments about him or his “stupid hobbies” (as I hear a number of friends wives say) in public is the failure to respect your husband that most guys would be referring to, or something along those lines. Ignoring his alcohol problem or any other destructive behavior is not showing respect. You are an equal partner in your marriage, your husband isn’t your king, you have the same rights to your wants and desires he does, and telling him what you want or need should not be considered a lack of respect. If he tells you his and you react with disgust or enmity, that is a lack of respect.

    • @Andrew – No argument from me on those. I see plenty of disrespect, but I also see things that are not disrespect being called such.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…One A MonthMy Profile

  2. Hi Paul,

    Don’t you think it’s at least possible that a wife could do something that would contriubute to her husband being afraid of what she has to say? I’m uncomfortable with the blanket statement at the end of this post that it’s always completely the husband’s fault.

    I agree that some men in Christian circles don’t want to hear from their wives for sinful reasons like pride, desire for control, selfishness, misogyny, etc. This can happen with the wife completely innocent and those couples need to hear your message in this post.

    But aren’t there some instances where the way a wife shares her opinions can make it understandable or even legitimate for him to be afraid to hear them? This could range from situations where the wife is abusive to ones that are difficult for him to handle, like you mentioned in your post “Your Feelings Scare Him”.
    https://thexycode.com/2017/10/23/your-feelings-scare-him/

    It seems to me that if one spouse is afraid to hear what the other has to say they should both examine their hearts and relationship and then try to deal with the reasons.

    • I don’t think that he is blanket blaming men. If your husband doesn’t want your opinion on that, something is wrong. That something could be how you’ve talked to your husband for the last ten years, or it could be that your husband has an issue too….but it is indicative of a problem.

    • In my marriage, it was because his mom was/is manipulative and would do things her own way no matter what wisdom was given her to the contrary. Because of this, even though I am NOT like his mom, we all can act like that in our weak and selfish or fearful moments. While I did not have a pattern of behavior like his mom, I did pull some bone-headed moves that solidified in his mind that I was just like his mom…perhaps all women are. So, I was both innocent victim and contributor.

      Thankfully, we are beyond all that, now.

    • @Kevin W. – It is possible he has reason to be afraid of what she might say. But telling her to shut up is not the solution to that. Ignoring her is also not a solution.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…One A MonthMy Profile

      • Thanks, Paul. Agreed those are not the solutions.

        I just thought it could be misleading to tell wives that a husband being afraid of what she has to say has absolutely nothing to do with her, when in some cases it might.

        If you mean a husband that shuts his wife down and never wants to hear her opinion on anything, I would agree that it’s his issue. But if he’s afraid to bring up a subject that’s been an emotional flash point because he doesn’t want to set off another outburst, it’s probably a two-sided problem.

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