I Can’t Win, So Why Try?
I know a lot of men who won’t do certain things at home. Won’t wash the dishes, won’t fold the laundry, won’t help with this or take care of that.
Yes, some of this is about being lazy or selfish. But there’s another common reason: He knows he can’t do it to her standard. Or the corollary, he sees her standard as unreasonable and won’t try to hit it.
If doing something is just going to lead to being criticised, why do it? If you get grief for not doing and grief for doing it, why would you waste your time and energy?
I realise there are situations where his half-way job isn’t acceptable by reasonable standards, and I understand there are sometimes health issues. But a whole lot of this comes down to personal preference and/or perfectionism.
I have an interesting perspective on this because I have preferences on most things. I have preferences that are irrelevant, over the top, and just plain weird. It would be unloving and wrong for me to expect Lori to do everything in a way that satisfies my preferences. There are a few places where I’ve asked her to do something the way I want it done, but I limit that to what I see as issues of safety or things that will really make my life easier.
Years ago I decided if I have a strong preference for how something was done then I should be the one to do it. It’s amazing how this helped me scale back some of my preferences!
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I prefer my wife!
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The Marriage Bed
4641 Lyons Hill Road
Springdale, WA 99173-9708