This Is How Guys Talk to Each Other

I was having an online chat with a female blogger friend of ours. I was explaining how men talk to each other. I gave this example:

Three guys are together. Guy one says to guy two “Dude, you’re being a dick.” Guy two looks at guy three, who nods his head. Guy two then realises he is behaving wrongly.

The funny thing about this is the woman I was sharing this with said she had heard her sons have that very conversation the night before!

This Is How Guys Talk to Each Other

The thing about calling your friend a dick is it’s not angry or ugly. It’s a friendly “knock it off” thing, not an insult.

Most husbands quickly figure out this is not an acceptable way to tell their wife she is behaving wrongly. But that doesn’t mean he has any idea how he should communicate that idea – or even if it’s okay to share the idea. This is (part of) why men say women are so confusing or so difficult to talk to. What has worked all their life doesn’t work with their wife.

How you help him in this depends on you. If you wanted to you could invite him to call you a dick when he thinks you are being one. I’d start by asking him to help you understand what that does and doesn’t mean. And, there’s probably a better word or set of words he could use, but as long as you both know what that word means, it’s all good.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’ve never called my wife a dick!

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18 Comments on “This Is How Guys Talk to Each Other

  1. Maybe avoid names all together and mutual come up with a different, short, to the point, man-accepted phrase, like:

    You need to knock it off.

    Time out.

    The bear’s out, again.

    Chill.

    My hubby likes to tease and he is king of sarcasm. He’s also a dirty fighter who fights to win, even when it is just play. He can get carried away. I have to tell him my stopping point in a simple sentence and he respects that.

  2. The thing to understand is that men are straightforward and blunt when speaking to one another. There is no hinting at a meaning, or hoping they get it. There are fifteen phrases I can think of along the lines of “Dude, you’re being a dick” that guys say to one another regularly that women would take great offense to. None of them imply anger, but they are very direct and blunt. It doesn’t imply some meaning about you as a person, it means exactly what he said “stop being a dick” and that’s it.

    • I have a male friend who doesn’t mince words. He got in my face once about something. Told me to knock it off and stop pitying myself and looking for things wrong with me. Yep, ticked me right off….and I thanked him for it.

      I hate small talk and surface chatter that women tend to do socially. I prefer deep intellectual conversation, but when it comes to problem solving or needing answers, give me blunt and to the point. I think this is what ticks me off about my inner psyche and religious conflict. It is annoyingly feminine, emotional, spaghetti mixed up and intertwined. All I want is blunt truth. Does God say yes or no? Oh, I love a good theological debate, but when I need an answer, I want an answer. None of this feelings stuff, or crying out, guilt, or endless yammering prayer. Just give me the yes or no and let me get on with it.

      That is a reason why we left our old church. It was getting to the point where after every sermon, it seemed, we had to dedicate our new leaf by coming forward and crying and praying about it for another 1/2 an hour before leaving exhausted and miserable from all the emotion. I’m dealing with enough depression. I don’t need guilt trips and cry-fests at church. Tell me right from wrong, truth from lies, good from evil and let me apply it to my life.

      • From David Murrow’s site: “Soon, the very definition of a good Christian had changed: boldness and aggression were out; passivity and receptivity were in. Christians were to be gentle, sensitive and nurturing, focused on home and family rather than accomplishment and career. Believers were not supposed to like sex, tobacco, dancing or other worldly pleasures. The godly were always calm, polite and sociable. This Victorian spirituality still dominates our churches. Those of us who grew up in church hardly notice it; we can’t imagine things any other way. But a male visitor detects the feminine spirit the moment he walks in the sanctuary door. He may feel like Tom Sawyer in Aunt Polly’s parlor; he must watch his language, mind his manners and be extra polite. It’s hard for a man to be real in church because he must squeeze himself into this feminine religious mold.”

        • Wow, Mykids! I need to explore that more! That really resonated with me. What does masculine Christianity look like? Crusades? Heroism? Sacrifice? Warriors? Making passionate love to his wife? How has this feminine perspective changed how we see Christ?

          My Christian walk right now is very conflicted, to the point I don’t even want to go to church until I get some better answers and clarity because sermons tend to add to my confusion and I feel out of place in the congregation.

          Unfortunately, too, being a woman and this whole gender sex thing, I can’t just sit alone for hours with my pastor and hash this all out. Women just don’t get it. I crave a male perspective because men solve, women validate and comfort. Men listen to logic, fact, and don’t take differing opinions personally. Women get stubborn and shut their ears to debate, argument, and differing points of views.

          I feel very lost and confused as a Christian and as a Christian woman and wife. I can’t even begin to imagine how lost men must feel.

          Oh, to have it all sorted out and live peacefully.

          • What denomination are you in Libl?

            We’re PCA and there’s no crying and touchy feely stuff there. Doctrine is a pretty big deal and almost all the sermons are exegesis of biblical text. We don’t ordain women, but the pastors wife went to seminary right along with the pastor and she’s about as far from the pastor’s wife stereotype as you can get. She’s very straight forward and down to business. There are some touchy feely women, but all the women’s bible studies and Sunday school material gets approved by the session. So no overly mystical or feel good fluff there either. The last two women’s studies I attended was on The Screwtape Letter and When Grace Transforms. I can’t do the morning bible study and I teach children’s Sunday school during the school year, so I can’t go to Sunday school myself. The theology reading group is doing a Martin Luther biography and my home fellowship group did Hosea. The fellowship groups are led by elders, but are mixed gender.

            I don’t think they get overly hung up about gender either. I know my sister has had numerous private meetings with both the RUF (yes, the denomination’s university outreach is led by an ordained pastor) and associate pastors (who are obviously male). They’re fine with it, as long as it’s in public, like a coffee shop or something.

          • Look around at the pews on Sunday, how many single men do you see? I bet zero under 60. Something like 70% of teenage boys leave the church and do not return. I don’t know any of my buddies who regularly attended church between the end of high school until when they got married. I told my Sunday school teacher that church culture neuters men; he agreed. If I wasn’t married I wouldn’t attend.

            Google Church for Men

            • Actually, my church has a LOT of men ranging from newborn to 90s with many teen, 20s, 30s, and 40s men…full families. One of the reasons we chose this church was because it had men, active, Godly, family men. Peers for hubby.

              • I said single men, not family men. Lots of family men go to church, remove the family and/or wife and you’ll see a whole lot less. I go to church with my wife and kids, I would not if they did not exist.

                Our church softball team has 15 players on it. About 7 of them are divorced or single guys who do not actually attend the church, but hang out on the peripheries at some of the events.

            • A great many.
              Probably 60% of the regular attendees in the semester are college students. Many of them are single guys.

            • @mykidsmademedoit – Iv the last couple of years we visited dozens of churches all over the country. The more traditional denominational churches are mostly as you say. But there are other churches that are very different. We attended three “millennial” churches in PA, WI, and VA. These are vibrant happening places that are intentionally reaching out to Millenials. Those churches have no lack of men, including single men.
              They have a different make up because they follow a different model. You will see something similar at a “cowboy church”.
              Paul Byerly recently posted…A Different Kind of GiftMy Profile

  3. Where I grew up the version of this of this for women in most situations,” you’re being a bitch”. I prefer “pain in my rear”, or something along those lines.

      • Even then, we don’t say it too each other, we say it about each other.

        • Well that’s another thing I was taught you don’t do..If you can’t say it to them you shouldn’t say it about them.

  4. My husband calls me Hagrid when I’m in a bad mood, and then steers clear because I’m usually overwhelmed. When I’m in a bag mood, it usually means i need a break. I’m rarely bitchy with him to the point of him saying something. If someone needs to say something, i already know and i don’t need them to say it.

    It’s not what you say, its how you say it. Guys are not exempt from reacting angrily. My dad and uncle have gotten into more than a few fights that have resulted in cut offs. My husband could call me lots of things, but some are off limits. Same goes for him. There are somethings i would never say to him.

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