His & Her Early Ideas About Sex

Last week in my TGH post Sex In A Box I tried to explain to men some of how a woman’s sexuality is shaped (and misshaped!) as she is growing up. As I thought about it I saw something worth discussing here.

As children and teens, boys and girls have rather different reactions as they learn about sex.

His & Her Early Ideas About Sex

Image several boys are talking about sex and one asks what oral sex is:

Ned: “You put our penis in a girls mouth and she sucks it till you squirt.”
Ted: “No way!”
Ned: “Way!”
Jed: “I want to do that!”
Ted & Ned: “Me too!”

I would expect a group of girls to react somewhat differently:

Jane: “It’s when a boy puts his penis in your mouth and makes you suck it till he squirts.”
Jill: “In your mouth? Eww!”
Jackie: “Gross. Why would anyone do that?”
Jill: “I’m never going to do that!”
Jane and Jackie: “Me either!”

I think sex is more invasive and personal for women, and I think that’s relevant as a girl is learning about the mechanics of sex. As boys learn about sex it’s a growing list of things they need to find a girl to try. There is no concern, no limits, it all sounds great. 

Adding to this is the fact that the vast majority of porn is geared to men. It’s made to grab their sexuality and wind it up. 

Long before we have sex, males and females start thinking about sex in very different ways. Our culture certainly shapes some of that, but I think some of it comes down to our biology. Regardless of why we think differently, those differences are a part of who we are and they influence our sex lives. The better we understand our spouse’s thinking about sex the better able we will be to make a sex life that works for both of us.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I don’t recall any boy ever being unsure about wanting to try any sexual act he learned about.

Got extra pounds?: Yesterday over on TGH I talked about how Lori and I are losing weight by doing intermittent fasting. If you’re interested, check out I’m Becoming Less of A Man.

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