Tell Him “We’re Not Done Here”

This may be a bit out there for some, but I’m of the opinion that when you have sex with your husband you should have as many orgasms as you want.

If, on occasion, you don’t want one, he should respect that. If you want one, he should make sure you have one. If you want half a dozen and it won’t take multiple hours to do that, then you should have half a dozen.

Tell Him "We're Not Done Here"

What is never acceptable is for you to be left wanting. I know some women are married to men who just don’t care, and I’m sorry about that. However, some women have contributed to their own suffering by not speaking up. Even worse, some have said something like “It’s okay” because they don’t want to hurt his feelings or they think expecting him to do what it takes to get them to orgasm is asking too much of him.

Regardless of why, if you sometimes don’t orgasm when you would like to, you need to have a talk with your hubby. He needs to understand you find it frustrating, and that it puts you off wanting to have sex. Ask him how he would feel if sex ended without him having an orgasm. Ask him if he would feel loved if you climaxed and then didn’t care enough about him to keep going.

I realise this may not seem like it’s worth the effort, especially if you don’t think it will bring about any change. However, this is bigger than just you. As long as women treat their sexual pleasure as less important than men’s, some men will take that as an excuse to be sexually selfish. 

If you find it difficult to orgasm with your hubby, I suggest you get a vibrator and teach him how to use it on you.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m all about my wife’s happy ending!

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9 Comments on “Tell Him “We’re Not Done Here”

  1. Personally, I don’t understand why a husband wouldn’t want to give his wife as many orgasms as she can handle. To me, it is one of the most rewarding and FUN things in life. I make sure that she gets hers first. Ladies, speak up!

  2. Most husbands want to please their wives, I’m sure there are a few out there who don’t care, but most would love to hear what she’s into, as graphically as possible……

  3. There have been a few times early in our long marriage that I told him it was ok when I didn’t O, but that was mornings when my body would not cooperate—thankfully it does now!! Also a few times he shocked me by leaving the bed as if I didn’t care, but not in many years (and yes I did express my dismay at the time). We both learned through the years to enjoy each other’s orgasm almost as much as our own and we are never satisfied if the other has not accomplished that finale. In my less-than-young years, a vibrator has become his favorite tool, giving both of us prolonged pleasure as he uses it on me.

  4. My husband, a widower when I met him, told me he gave his late wife big ‘O’s, and I felt very intimidated, because I don’t ‘O’ even if I try to do so myself. The first few months he was a bit regretful but I’m relieved that he doesn’t mention it anymore. Yes, I enjoy sex with my husband without having an ‘O’! I make sure he knows that I like having sex with him, so perhaps that’s why it doesn’t bother him. I would have found it very painful if he had harped at me to ‘O’ so he could feel like a big man.

  5. I tried for years to stay enthusiastic about sex even though hubby could never figure out how to get me to O. The result was usually me crying in the bathroom afterward. Finally I practiced with a vibrator on my own and figured it out. But when I showed hubby and gave him the vibrator, he still couldn’t do it despite my best feedback. So he just kept handing it back and telling me to take care of it myself. Now I don’t even need toys anymore; I’ve learned what kind of touch will do it. The few times he’s tried, he stops too soon and doesn’t seem to be able to pay attention to what he’s doing with me. All he wants is PIV (it’s easy for him), but I can’t tolerate that kind of one-sided sex anymore.

  6. What are suggestions to go from zero (not asking) to 60 (speaking up)? It’s just really intimidating to just all of a sudden ask for more. He’s definitely wanting it to happen, we just haven’t put the effort into figuring out how (since before kids it worked fine-after kids it didn’t and the youngest is 7). I feel like I should at least drop a few comments or something before blurting it out?

    • @ARB – I don’t know any way ease into it. What’s more, if you did he might start to wonder how deep the rabbit hole goes. Better to get it all out at once.
      I would suggest owning that you have not spoken up sooner and you know you should have. Taking that on yourself will soften the blow.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…Non-NegotiablesMy Profile

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