Sex-Positive Christians

Many would consider the title of this post, Sex Positive Christians, to be an oxymoron. 

sex-pos·i·tive
adjective

having or promoting an open, tolerant, or progressive attitude towards sex and sexuality.

In the world sex-positive means doing as many sexual things as possible, probably with as many individuals as possible. It certainly requires that you support the “right” of any adult to have any kind of consensual sex they want with any other adult – or adults.

Sex Positive Christians

It seems to me sex positive should be about making sex better. As a Christian I don’t see how advocating sin makes anything better. However, I know full well that the sex most couples are having falls way short of how great it could be. That is a major motivation for what Lori and I do; we want married couples to have awesome sex!

As with everything in our lives, the people we spend time with influences what we think about sex. If we grew up in the Church this likely means we have a less than positive view of sex. This is unfortunate. It’s also wrong because God is all about great sex in marriage.

Fortunately more and more Christians are realising that God is sex positive. If you know Christians like this, make a point of spending time with them. If you’re well grounded in this truth, be vocal about it!

Below are a few of my favourite sex-positive resources:

There are plenty of others. What I’ve listed here are resources that are primarily about sex and cover most aspects of sex.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m a sex-positive Christian! 

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12 Comments on “Sex-Positive Christians

  1. So when I was in high school in the late 1990s, there was a really big deal in our little part of town because the Church of Christ down the street kicked out a married couple who was selling sex toys to other married couples as some MLM deal out of their house. You would have thought they were posting child porn on public forums by the reaction of all the people I went to church with once word got out.

    To a 16 year old who really didn’t like going to church, this was beyond absurd……”so the church wants me to wait until I’m married, but then once I’m married I’m not really supposed to enjoy it?………eff this religious nonsense” Our pastor subsequently had an affair with a woman at the church, and even my parents had enough at that point. Twenty years later they have never gone back.

    A few years ago our Sunday school got me into reading “Love, Honor, & Vacuum”; and then she posted an article telling a young woman she shouldn’t go to sex toy parties for married couples. https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2014/11/christian-sex-toy-parties/

    The more religious the person is, the less likely I am to listen to their advice on sex, I take some guidance from the bible directly, and the rest from secular sources. Christianity has burned that bridge with a whole lot of people.

    • @mykidsmademedoit – As you might guess, I know about a number of people removed from ministry or sidelined because of sex toys. And my reaction is like yours.

      I’ve had this discussion with several Christina marriage bloggers, and it never gets anywhere. The whole “sex toys get in the way” argument is so odd to me. If sex toys make sex work for a couple when it otherwise is difficult, I see that as the opposite of getting in the way. I’ve seen all kinds of scriptures used to back up a claim that I find has nothing to do with God or the Bible.

      The good new (sorry) is that more and more Christians are not afraid of sex toys!
      Paul Byerly recently posted…A Good Marriage With A Broken SpouseMy Profile

      • I’m personally uncomfortable with sex toys for toys-sake. I want my husband to have sex with ME, not watch him enjoy a “third party inanimate object.” I want to feel his flesh, not some silicon facsimile of a penis that isn’t at all like his. I don’t want to be tied up and whipped or tickled. I don’t want to practice homosexual acts on him with a strap on penis. Neither of us want to shove anything up our anuses.

        All that said, I am all for sex TOOLS….anything needed to complete intimacy for medical reasons. If a penis ring or vibrator help when bodies don’t quite work as intended, great! Pillows, wedges, lubricants, great! Even sex swings to support bodies.

        However, I wouldn’t kick a couple out of church for it! Heck, the way churches have turned a blind eye to actual sexual sins, I don’t know how they have a leg to stand on concerning toys within marriage!

        • @Libl there is a huge difference between not being into something yourself and choosing not to do it, and in trying to tell others what they can or can’t do. Christianity tends to like to do the latter, create rules and laws around things they don’t like to force people who don’t agree to adhere to what they want.

        • @Libl – I’ve had the tools not toys discussion a few times. It works for me, but many see it as an attempt to justify something, and I don’t want to feed that. My take is sex toys are tools, and all tools can be used for good or bad.
          Paul Byerly recently posted…Wait For It…My Profile

      • @paul, your first sentence is what drives me batty……why do we allow that? We should be embarrassed that draconian nonsense is associated with us, expose that fundamentalist nonsense to the light of day and those trolls can crawl back into their caves.

        • @mykidsmademedoit – I agree with you 1000%
          If I were part of a church that did that I’d yell about it until they threw me out too! I’ve talked to people who have had it done to them, but never been local when it happened.
          Paul Byerly recently posted…Wait For It…My Profile

  2. Actually, what I find to be at least as damaging as the attitude you’ve described, is the idea that because sex involves the body and physical pleasure, it’s not really wrong but very unspiritual. And since we’re supposed to be maturing spiritually, the obvious corollary is that we should leave things like sex behind as we grow in Christ. During all the time I was refused, it wasn’t because sex is bad, just unimportant to growing Christians. The refusal ended when my wife became convicted about the clear instruction of scripture labeling refusal as sin. Then she began to see that sex between a husband and wife is a good and positive thing that helps cement the marriage bond through such intimacy. That is the sex-positive message I would like to hear more about in churches. But I’m not holding my breath.

  3. I, personally, am more disturbed by so-called evangelical pastors defending sexual predators and by so-called Christians who are found to be molesting children and trafficking women for sex, than by Christians advocating any kind of sex within marriage. It suggests that maybe their attitudes on human sexuality are skewed or distorted. If we want to know what God thinks about our private actions, look at the fruit. The fruit of marital intimacy is love, bonding, and a foretaste of the joys of paradise.

    • @Lynn – I’m with you on that. Sadly when you think the ends justify the means it’s easy to excuse the wrongs committed by those you think can get the job done.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…Wait For It…My Profile

      • Given that in this fallen world nothing will be perfectly realized, I believe that proper teaching on sex and marriage in general, would go a long way toward preventing some of the more egregious sexual sins.

        My church has started a group for women who are dealing with some form of sexual sins by their husbands: affairs, pornography, etc. But so far, there has been no mention of sexual refusal. Nor has there been much teaching on the positive role a healthy sexual life plays in a strong marriage.

        I know my life would have been very different had I had good teaching about sex, from either parents or church. Anything I’ve learned has been mostly from my many mistakes.

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