Don’t Shoot Down His Attempts to Improve
Gary Thomas recently wrote The Bubble Busting Spouse, an article on people who make it difficult for their spouse to become a better husband or wife. The following sums it up well:
“If your spouse is trying to grow, don’t hold her or him back by nailing them to the past. Acknowledge the growth. Don’t compare them to where you wish they would be, especially if your wish is a perfect spouse. Compare them to what they were, be thankful for the growth and encourage them.” ~ Gary Thomas
I certainly understand why this happens. If he has tried (or pretended) to change something several times, there is little reason to think he will succeed this time. What’s more, you risk getting your hopes up and getting hurt again.
However, consider the fact that most people who succeed at quitting smoking try a dozen or more times before they stop. I realise giving up smoking is more difficult than many things, but it shows that one can really want to change and still fail to accomplish it many times before getting it right.
If hubby says he’s going to change, don’t bet your future on it, but do thank him for his efforts and pray for the best. A positive reaction from you will improve his odds of succeeding, while a negative reaction will reduce the odds.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I don’t even want to think about how many times I failed to make some important marriage changes.
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