Why He Wants Your Mouth There

Have you ever felt men are obsessed with oral sex? Does your husband beg you to do oral on him? Does he pout if you say no?

Our survey on this issue does support the idea most men are really into oral sex. Forty-two percent of men said they would like to receive oral sex more often. And, among those who don’t get it at all more than half said it was a problem for their sex life.

Why He Wants Your Mouth There

So what’s the big deal?

  • Well, first it feels good. 
  • Then there’s the lie back and enjoy aspect. It makes him feel pampered and special and allows him to focus on his pleasure.
  • And finally, we know some women won’t do it. If a man’s wife is willing to do this for him it makes him feel she must really care about him.

Isn’t it because of porn?

There’s no doubt oral sex features prominently in porn. But oral sex was a common thing long before porn existed. We have descriptions of oral sex in texts that are thousands of years old, and images of oral sex from long before that. Porn didn’t make oral sex popular, rather oral sex is in porn because men enjoy it so much. 

But, to climax?

  • Most men want oral taken to orgasm at least some of the time. However, 18% said they would like it as foreplay with orgasm happening during intercourse. And 5% of men said they enjoy oral but can’t climax that way.
  • As for swallowing, only 7% found that “important”, while 5% didn’t want their wife to do it. About a third like it but don’t find it important, and almost as many do not care either way. So for most guys, climaxing in the mouth is important, but after that, it’s not really a big deal.

Bottom Line

The vast majority of men would really like oral sex to be a regular part of sex. Not every time, and not always to climax, but more than once in a blue moon and sometimes all the way. 

~ Paul – I’m XY, well, you know.

How-to Links:

SurveyChildhood Sex Play When you were a child or young teen, did you engage in any willing sex play with other children or teens? This survey will be used for a couple of future posts, we would appreciate your anonymous responses.

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15 Comments on “Why He Wants Your Mouth There

  1. HA! Love the thoughtfully provided how-to links. No point in trying to frustratingly adapt Lauren Bacall’s sensual whistling instructions to Bogart in To Have and Have Not.:

    Slim (Bacall): You know you don’t have to act with me, Steve. You don’t have to say anything, and you don’t have to do anything. Not a thing. Oh, maybe just whistle. You know how to whistle, don’t you, Steve? You just put your lips together and… blow.

  2. You make a really important point that everyone glosses over, porn typically displays what men like, or exaggerated versions of it, it does not create their preferences. Because we shame talking about sex in any kind of realistic fashion, we allow porn to be our default sex ed teacher, but then get angry because of what it teaches…..what exactly do we expect is going to happen? Conservative America thinks that the world only goes back to the idealized version of 1950s. The Andy Griffith show is as ridiculous a representation of reality as porn is.

    Oral sex has always been popular, globally. I’ve got a copy of the kama sutra if anyone wants to dispute that, which was written a few hundred years before Christianity even arrived on the scene

    • @mykidsmademedoit – I’d say it’s some of both. It reflects natural desires. But as you said it exaggerates those, and that can change preferences. The bigger issue is kids who see porn before they have any understanding of sex. I was 7 when I started to look at porn, so it very much created preferences in me.
      “You only want to do that because you saw it in porn” is rarely valid. However, porn can result in an abnormally strong desire for something.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…Friday Flashback: Good Husband, Bad HusbandMy Profile

      • I don’t disagree with any of your points there, but we rarely deal with nuance well, and the hardline stance of “porn is the devil” prohibits any kind of rational discussion about sex.

      • My husband has watched porn of stuff he refuses to do with me. On another side, he loves binge-watching shows on Netflix. If something or someone attracts his attention, he wants to emulate it with me. So, he will buy me a similar outfit or costume. That kinda creeps me out, but since I can’t say for sure whether it just gave him an idea to share with me, or he is using me to fulfill a fantasy for himself, I go along with it.

        I still don’t get why he has watched porn of stuff he doesn’t do with me.

        • Curiosity, I would guess!
          Most men are incredible curious about all things sexual! That doesn’t mean they want to do it or even find it appealing.

        • The really blunt answer Libl is there are a lot of things that look cool in porn, but aren’t as great in person. I can think of four or five off the top of my head, that I’ve seen in porn and tried in real life that I wasn’t into in real life.

          • I’m not talking about kink or deviancy. I am talking about typical stuff like oral sex.

            • I’m not talking about kink. There are things that are really only attractive in porn and some guys have no real interest in actually doing. Some guys really aren’t into oral, giving or receiving, but they may like watching it in porn. Swinging is another thing that is really popular in porn, but not so many guys actually want to do it.

              • Thank you for that explanation. While I knew the porn wasn’t personal, knowing this helps it feel even less personal.

        • @Libl – Others have covered the porn well. As for wanting to dress you like someone TV, I don’t see that as he wants you to look like her, but rather he was thinking “That would look good on my wife.”
          Paul Byerly recently posted…Beyond Crock-pots and MicrowavesMy Profile

          • Very interesting. As a large frame women (not overweight, there really is such a thing as having larger bones, although most folks say “big-boned” as what they think is a polite way of calling you fat). Anyhow, as a woman it’s a large frame, it is sad, but I do not look very feminine. My husband seems to think I do, but I look nothing like the petite women that are considered truly beautiful. I am built more like an athletic woman you’d see on a woman’s volleyball team.

            Therefore, whenever my husband points out something he thinks is attractive, I have always assumed it was because he was trying to turn me into somebody else. He likes pretty, flowery things. So do I, on women who are built to wear such things. I was reminded growing up that I was more boy-like and shouldn’t waste my time trying to look feminine and pretty, because I’ve never been small, the way a woman “should” be.

            It’s why I don’t wear lingerie, or bathing suits, or ANYTHING that reveals shoulders. I could give JJ Watt a run for his money as far as shoulder size (Although my husband and my sons get all ticked off when I compare myself to JJ). But isn’t it better to be realistic than to try and dress in a way that was never meant for me? I know I have no hope of ever looking even close to beautiful or even resembling the models who look so beautiful in such clothing, so why should I try to pretend I’m deserving of wearing things designed for prettier women? That’s insane.

            But I do find it quite interesting that you think maybe a husband thinks “I think that would look good on my wife” as opposed to “oooh I wish I could somehow make my wife look like this much better woman.”

            On another note, as far as your original point, here are two tips for ladies who are reluctant to go down there. I was hesitant at first, but now I enjoy doing this for my husband. My husband is totally fine with the fact that I like him to shower first (or at least to have showered in the past maybe two hours or so). And this might be TMI, but in the beginning I just told myself to imagine it was an ice cream cone or a popsicle and go from there. No complaints from the husband.

            • This comment makes me so sad! A way of dressing is not limited to certain sizes, nor is the definition beautiful. I’m sure your husband finds you very beautiful. Skinny cam be beautiful but so can athletic, and curvy. Believe me, most men find beauty in a whole lot more than what shows up in the beauty magazines.

              So. Wear whatever you want. And allow yourself to think of yourself as beautiful, sexy and all those fun things.

  3. Oral sex is really a boost to a man’s self esteem, but only because it symbolizes acceptance of his sexuality by the person he loves and needs most (next to God). I can ask and she can certainly refuse (which she does). But it would be nice if the refusal were followed up by an alternative suggestion by her for how she might achieve the same result with another sexual activity. But sadly, no alternatives are suggested after the flat “no” is given. Just an eye roll and tone of disgust.

    So ladies, if you are going to refuse to give oral sex, put some effort into giving your husband the same feeling with something else. Don’t just leave him feeling rejected. It is cruel and unnecessary.

  4. I am more thankful for my helpmate each day and make sure she knows it as I read comments on christian marriage blogs.

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