What Do You Deserve? Good Sex
I know this is an issue for many of you. The idea that husbands can’t get enough sex is still common, but it’s not always true in marriages. In perhaps as many as a third of marriages the wife is the higher drive spouse. In addition to that, there are marriages where both spouses say they want more sex but busyness keeps that from happening.
Beyond how much sex you have is the issue of actually enjoying it. The whole “sex is for men” mentality is still alive and well, especially in the church. This means some women put up with bad sex because they think making sure he is satisfied is the goal. Many women put up with sex that’s not what they want or that sometimes leaves them aroused and unfulfilled.
In 1 Cor 7, Paul tells couples that they owe sex to each other, and it’s very much a two-way street: “ The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights” and “the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” There is no “sex is primarily for men” in this passage, it’s all about both husband and wife having the sex they want. “Sex is for men” is not a biblical idea; rather, it’s contrary to what the Bible says. It’s just as wrong for a husband to refuse sex as it is for a wife to do it, and it’s wrong for the husband to think sex is over when he is done. (I tell husband’s it’s their responsibility to give their wife as many orgasms as she wants!)
So what do you do if your husband isn’t providing you with the sex you want? As I said on Monday, we tend to get what we think we deserve. If you think having half the sex you want is okay, or not having an orgasm is okay, then you’re much more likely to suffer those things. Deciding you deserve good sex won’t make it happen, but it’s a vital first step towards change.
That said, if you’ve accepted bad or infrequent sex for years and years you’ll have an uphill battle ahead of you. Your acquiescence said it was okay, so hubby will wonder why you’re suddenly complaining. Be honest, tell him you’ve suffered in silence because you accepted bad teaching. Tell him you want sex to be better for both of you, and ask if he is willing to explore better sex with you.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and my wife can have whatever she wants!
Related: Some of these are to encourage you, some are to share with your hubby if he’s open to working on being a better lover.
Do You Both Value Sexual Pleasure? | Intimacy in Marriage
The Lie That Hurt My Marriage the Most | The Forgiven Wife
Q&A with J: “How Can I Orgasm with Penetration?” | Hot, Holy and Humorous
How Long Should Sex Last? Definitely More Than Two Minutes! | to Love, Honor, and Vacuum
Lies Women Believe Part 1 | Sex Chat for Christian Wives
How Can a Husband Help His Wife Orgasm? | Awaken Love
How to Help Your Wife Orgasm More Often | Awaken Love
What If Your Wife Has Never Experienced Orgasm? | Awaken Love
Shifting from Sex After…. to Sex Before | Awaken Love