Yeah, He’s Got Moods Too

Men are usually quick to complain about women’s moods, and usually to blame it on her hormones. We then assume that since our hormones don’t ride a rollercoaster we don’t have moods.

Of course, you know better, and I’m going to admit on behalf of mankind that we have moods too.

Yeah, He's Got Moods Too

Pointing out a bad mood can make it worse, but making him aware is a reasonable thing to do. Something like “I’m sorry you’re feeling bad/down/sad/pissed at the world” is a somewhat less confrontational way to tell him he’s in a mood.

You are not, of course, to blame for your husband’s moods, but you can certainly impact them. One common cause of a bad mood is interrupting him when he is concentrating or doing something he enjoys. We don’t multitask as well as you ladies, so what you see as a minor interruption may be a much bigger deal to us. Another common mood influencer is sex… or lack of same. Without discussing why this is so or intending to justify it, the reality is less sex than he wants results in most men being grumpy/distant/angry.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I know the “I’m sorry you’re feeling…” line because my lovely wife has used it on me!

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18 Comments on “Yeah, He’s Got Moods Too

  1. What a nice life, where no one ‘interrupts you when you are concentrating on something you enjoy’ ;-)

  2. Personally, I don’t like hearing “I’m sorry you’re feeling … ” because I equate that with being told how I’m feeling, rather than being asked how I’m feeling. Maybe that’s immature of me, but! I’d rather hear “You seem a little grumpy. You feel like talking about it?”

  3. Of course men have moods, they just tend to be a little more straightforward. For me personally, if I’m in a pissy mood……there’s a 75% chance I haven’t had sex in 3 days or more. Yes, the kids will always act crazy some, yes your job will always be stressful. Exercise and sex are the two things that primarily mitigate whether that affects my overall outlook or not

  4. I wish that I could have read the part about “lack of sex” and grumpiness when I got married 30 years ago.

  5. In my experience, women blame it on their hormones excuse just as much men do. And we’re expected to believe it and accept it and deal with it.

    But if WE mention it, we get hammered.

    • @John – I’ve certainly seen women who used their hormones as an excuse. While it’s valid and we should understand that, it neither excuses nor justifies wrong behaviour.
      I’ve also seen men dismiss women by saying “hormones” when there was something more going on. For example, a husband is rude, then he blames his wife’s getting upset on her hormones when it’s actually a reaction to his behaviour.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…Dedication, Constraint and Staying MarriedMy Profile

    • I also think it depends on the behavior. There is never an excuse for being snappish or mean or selfish. But sometimes, hormones really do create a limitation that men (or even some women) may not be sympathetic to, but it’s no less real. Like, I’ve been in fertility treatments for about 2.5 years, and I did IVF last autumn (and one “cycle” actually lasts about three months). There were times when I was physically unable to do things, either because I felt terrible (nausea, pain, bloating, bleeding) or because the doctor said I had to have 1-2 days bedrest and then light activity because of a medical procedure. I certainly wasn’t my normal self — a lot of chores went undone, a lot of nights I had to go to bed at 7:30.

      Yeah, it was “hormones.” And it sounded like an excuse and drove my husband nuts, but I mean … I couldn’t do what I couldn’t do.***.

      *** Even during IVF, I tried to be extremely cognizant of my moods and my tone of voice. When I was about 12 and started my period, my mom explained that I may feel moody, but there was never a good excuse to be cranky, and that lesson stuck. So I still tried to practice patience and kindness. I think I did pretty well, if I can pat myself on the back.

  6. Frequent good sex gives a husband the sense that “all’s right with the world”–his world, anyway. A severe lack thereof can make it seem that nothing is right with the world.

    Being treated disrespectfully by his wife can, also, put a man in a bad mood. I just prefer to be left alone until I sort things out. Many wives make the mistake that the a man would like to talk about it, because they would like to talk about it if they were in a mood.

    • @Charlie O – Of course, that “all is right” feeling can be a problem too. This is why some women resist sex when there are problems, they don’t want to communicate it’s all good when it’s not.

      The second point is great, thanks. Trying to talk about anything before he is ready is going to push him towards a bad mood.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…The Goal Should Be More DedicationMy Profile

      • I didn’t mean that sex should be used as a band-aid or to mask a problem. I meant that sometimes a man is in a mood because he is sexually needy. Then sex is the solution. It might be wise for a wife with a husband in a funk to consider the last time they were together.

    • I can see not pressing someone to talk before they’re ready — but a lot of times, I just want a clue of what’s going on. Just stomping around the house, locking yourself in a room by yourself for hours on end, refusing to respond to any kind of comment or question (even things like “what do you want for dinner?”) is not okay. It’s unsettling, and I question a lot what I did wrong and why my husband seems angry at me.

      • I’m going to risk being rude and most here, but you want to bring a child into this dysfunction?!

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