What and How You Ask
Questions can be powerful tools. They can also be weapons. Sometimes questions are intended to hurt others, sometimes it’s an unintended result of two people thinking in different ways. And some of the latter can be because of gender.
One common problem question from both sexes is something like “Really” or “Are you sure?” If you think about it, this is questioning the other person’s integrity. It’s asking “Are you lying to me?” I know this is often just a habit throwaway answer, but it’s rude at best.
How we ask a question can be huge. Something like “Are you going to _____” can come off as an accusation. It’s also not actually asking him to do something. “Would you _____” is much nicer, and it’s you asking him to do something for you.
When you ask also matters. If he’s just fallen into his chair it’s a bad time to ask him to do anything that’s not an emergency. If you happen to think of it then, you could say “Not now, but when you have a chance, could you ______.”
Another issue for many men is they feel they are asked too many questions. She is being naturally curious, but he feels like he’s being interrogated. This one is easy to fall into because men tend to give less information than women give. He shares the overview, she wants the details. If you have a lot of questions ask the important ones first, then back off when he starts to look like he’s done.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and my wife asks great questions.
Survey: Our current survey is about Premarital Sexual Experience, both with the man you married and anyone before that. If you can spare about ten minutes I’d really appreciate your input on this one.