Are You Careful Enough With His Feelings?
I just spent about 70 hours with 180 some odd men (some very odd) who were trying to figure out who they are.
I was amazed, as I always am, at how metaphorically naked many of these men got. I heard painful confessions of sin. I saw men cry as they talked about the mistakes they had made that killed or deeply wounded their marriage. I heard men with hearts breaking for a child who is struggling. It was far from touchy-feely by female standards, but it was honest and raw and largely without pretence or excuse.
Most of you will never see a man, including your husband, be this vulnerable. Part of that is his need to look tough in front of you, and part of it is his fear that you will use any weakness he exposes against him. Some women will intentionally use such things against their husband, while most do it unintentionally. We find it difficult to express deep emotions, and your relative ease at doing so makes you seem unsafe. Your ability to deal with emotions makes it seem you don’t take them as seriously, or don’t appreciate how personal those things feel to him.
So, if he does open up, even a little, realise doing that makes him feel far more vulnerable than you would feel doing the same thing. Handle his emotions, and his self-exploration, with great care and privacy. If he feels you have violated him he probably won’t expose himself again.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and as open as I may seem, I feel this one.