On Sharing Life

I recently realised that a number of my marriage answers over on Quora included something about “sharing your life with someone you love.”

The older I get, the more I realise sharing my life with Lori makes it so much better. Our shared experiences are a huge part of our marriage relationship. Living life together is about as good as it gets.

On Sharing Life

The difficulty is actually doing things together. This is especially challenging during the child-rearing years. We get busy and mistake that for living life together. Then when the kids grow up and get their own lives mom and dad are practically strangers. This is probably why the year after the last child leaves home is a huge year for divorce. If you don’t fight to share life when life it crazy you will lose a great deal.

I’m posting about this over on The Generous Husband, but honestly, I think for most couples this is going to take a real effort from the woman. Men are less aware and initially less unhappy about distance in their marriage; by the time he initiates change, it’s probably pretty bad! If you see a loss of shared life, do something about it!

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I love sharing my life with my wife!

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3 Comments on “On Sharing Life

  1. If we set up a deliberate date….let’s get dolled up and go out to eat at a fancy restaurant….we are bored to tears. Hubby kind of shuts down and won’t interact with me. I can’t think,of anything to say and feel neglected by his stone walling. Our first anniversary ended in red-eyed anger in him and tears for me simply because he felt forced to do the expected when I wanted breakfast out together.

    However, if we just do life together with no real romantic expectations or obligations, it’s much more fun,and enjoyable and we have shared experiences to talk about. Hitting up tag sales, grocery shopping, grabbing a quick bite somewhere casual, seeing a long-awaited movie, visiting family, helping a neighbor….that’s what seems to bond us.

    Sure, I would love “real dates,” just like I always dreamed of romantic valentines (he absolutely refuses to do Valentine’s day) and more slower, more mutual sex, and more help around the house and with the kids, but if I hold onto those expectations I live a disappointed life. If I take what is given, we actually have fun.

  2. Maybe I’m odd, but if so, I am happily strange. I always thought that being married was the melding of two lives. When we were dating, one of the worst things was saying goodbye. I wanted to be with her as much as possible, and I still do. Tacking a marriage onto life always seemed like a ready really stupid idea. My marriage instantly became my life. We have always done as many things together as our schedule allows. We are a team, and it is US against the obstacles, the work, and sometimes the world. We share the books and articles that we read, the videos we watch and the podcasts we listen to.

    To want to be together a couple has to love each other. That means that resentments must be dealt with, offenses truly forgiven, and genuine effort made to be pleasant. After over forty years of marriage, she is still my absolute favorite person to be with.

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