Last week over on The Generous Husband I used the word “game” in talking about a woman who won’t clearly tell her husband what she wants. Some of the women reading along took issue with that word. Some of the men seconded my feelings.

For men it’s very simple; if you don’t clearly ask for what you want, you’re playing games. To paraphrase one fellow’s comment, if there are rules it’s a game, and if you haven’t been told the rules it’s a game you can’t win.

I’m not saying this to prove any woman is intentionally playing games. Rather, it’s my trying to show you a common thing men feel. Denying his reality doesn’t change it, and telling him he’s wrong just seems like another game.

I know some of you are convinced your husband gets most if not all of your hints. What if he does get them, but he doesn’t want to reward game playing? I’m not suggesting that’s a right thing for him to do, but I know it happens. The other factor is if you don’t ask he doesn’t have to say no. He can then tell himself he doesn’t say no to you. Is that a game? Probably, but you set him up for it, and you can stop it. Make him say no so he is aware how often he refuses you!

As I have been thinking about this the last few days, I thought of all the places God tells us to ask Him for what we want and need. There are easily a dozen verses along these lines in the New Testament, and far more than that in the Old. James 4:2b puts a fine point on it, saying “You do not have, because you do not ask.” [ESV] 

God knows what we want, yet we’re told to ask Him. How much more must that apply to humans, including your husband?

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’ve never felt my wife was playing games.

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