So I got a notice over on Quora that I’m now a top viewed writer on the issue of #MeToo. Didn’t see that coming!

Reading what some men say about that issue is both sad and scary! It reminds me of the “conventional wisdom” guys shared about girls back in high school. If I’d been sexually active then and had listened to what “everyone knew” I could have hurt a number of girls. We “all knew” that if a girl showed you her breasts (which happened fairly often given the fashions of the late 70’s) she 1) knew she had done it, and 2) was either making an offer or teasing you (and teases deserved what they got). We also “all knew” that girls wanted to have sex as much as we did, but they had to say no to look like “good girls”. So you ignored the first several no’s because they meant nothing. 

I’m sure the details are different today, but I have no doubt this kind of non-wisdom is still being shared as truth. It’s a bunch of guys with far less experience than they pretend to have trying to sound smart. The primary outside influences on their thinking are porn and popular media. What they share as “how it is” has little to do with reality and it’s not good for the girls they’re dating.

I bring this up because you have an opportunity to teach your son(s) to be better. Yes, dad should be involved, but as a woman, your voice is more powerful on this issue. I realise it’s not a comfortable discussion to have, but who else is going to do it? 

Part of the problem is we don’t want our kids to have sex until they get married. But the reality is the vast majority of them will have sex before marriage, and most will have sex before they’re with the person they end up marrying. This means most boys will be in a situation where they could push a girl into sex or push her further than she wants to go. If you do nothing to prevent that, aren’t you complicit?

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I am SO glad my kids are grown!

Image Credit: © ph_stephan | stock.adobe.com
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