I don’t think most women have a clue about the force of nature a man’s sex drive can be. I hear women over on Quora telling the world their sex drive is just like a man’s. They say things that sound about right on the surface, but it lacks the depth and force that men feel. These women are convinced they experience what men experience, but any man listening to them knows they do not. I can’t say there are no women who feel it the way men do, but if they exist they are rare indeed.

It’s not exaggerating to call a man’s sex drive a force of nature. This is especially true for younger men. I understand why so many men do sexually inappropriate things. I’m in no way excusing it, but if a man doesn’t have morality to keep his sex drive in check things can easily get out of control.

Most women get a hint of this force when they get married. Even if they had sex before marriage, odds are he was holding back. Once he’s married he figures it’s all good and he stops holding back. This is when the wife discovers her husband thinks daily sex a good minimum level. 

Most new husbands quickly learn that their wife is not thrilled to have the amount of sex they want. This generally leads to him trying to restrain himself. You may think your husband never did this, but if you feel he thinks about sex way too much or wants it “all the time” I’d say he’s actually holding back some… or a lot.

Because his sex drive is so powerful he wants sex at times when you couldn’t imagine wanting sex. For him to be too tired for sex he has to be a lot more tired than you need to be. He can want sex when he’s stressed or worried. He still wants sex after horrible news or the death of someone close. It’s not that those things don’t impact him, it’s just that his sex drive is so strong it pushes past things that would block your sex drive.

And here’s the important part: His sex drive is a force of nature because God made it that way! He’s not oversexed; he’s not out of control; he’s not sex crazy because of porn. The truth is God gave him a sex drive beyond what most women can possibly fathom. Of course “with great power comes great responsibility” and men need use their sexulity wisely – including in marriage.

So what does all of this mean for a wife? Please accept that his sex drive is more difficult for him to manage than your sex drive is for you. Don’t give him a pass when he fails, but do give him grace. And most of all, make your marriage a place where he feels safe to let his sex drive off the hook. You may never understand how much this blesses him, but please know it’s huge.

And finally, to you gals who don’t see your husband in this post. Some men have much weaker drives. However, what’s more common is a man who has chained his drive up because of things in his past. Maybe it was his mother, maybe it was society. Or perhaps he got in so much trouble because of his sex drive that he felt neutering it was the best plan. Then there are men who don’t think they can let their sexuality off the chain because they will hurt their wife if they do. They fear that they will lose control if they cross a certain line, so they hold back so much they seem to have no interest in sex.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and being allowed to be myself is one of the greatest gifts my wife gives me.

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