If you put “maintenance sex” in Google you get almost a third of a million hits. This seems to be a big issue for Millenials, and I think that’s a good thing. It comes from the realization that sex is an important part of keeping a marriage healthy.

Maintenance sex is about maintaining your relationship. Of course, it can feel good, and if either of you feels a need for release it’s going to do that too; but we need to think of it more in terms of our relationship as a whole. It’s not passionate sex driven by a deep need, but that’s okay.

Like anything we do to maintain our marriage, the responsibility for maintenance sex should be shared. And like other things we do for our marriage, we should do it even if neither of us really feels like it. Short sexual droughts become long sexual droughts, and the longer a couple goes without sex the more difficult it is to be back in the saddle bed.

Maintenance sex can help a couple get through a busy or stressful time. It helps to connect the couple, and it becomes a touchstone for the couple. It’s part of our routine and that makes us feel good and on track.

If this is a new concept for you, I suggest you talk about it with your hubby. What level of sex does your marriage need to be healthy? Is that happening? If not, how can you change that? And what will it take to make the sex enjoyable for both of you?

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m for maintaining our marriages!

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