I have discovered that often when I feel frustrated with or mad at Lori it’s because I think she has misunderstood me. When this happens I want to explain what I was thinking or feeling, or what my motivation was.

The problem is I get defensive. In the past that played out with more than a hint of anger.

Men often feel misunderstood by women in general and by their wife in particular. This is aggravated by the cultural idea that men are silly, irrelevant, selfish, or whatever. It’s okay to ignore a man trying to explain himself because no matter what he says, he’s wrong.

When your husband tries to explain himself, let him. Listen and say things that show you’re listening. If his explanation doesn’t change anything in your mind thank him for what he said and then reiterate the problem. You may find allowing him to explain makes him more open to dealing with whatever.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I got ‘splaining to do!

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