Having spent the first two posts of this week on marriage expectations, it seems reasonable to talk about sexual expectations today.

First your expectations:

A lot of women sell themselves short here. For example “I don’t need to come every time” is true for some, but some who say that would really, really like to orgasm at least 99% of the times they have sex. Or maybe when she was young not climaxing every time was okay, but it’s been a problem for more than a decade and she doesn’t know how to ask for a change.

Then there are the things women do that they don’t really enjoy. Or dislike. Or flat hate. If you like doing him orally most of the time, fine, if not you need to speak up. If you like semen on your face, anal sex, or unusual positions, then go for it. However, if you dislike something but put up with it because he won’t shut up about it then you’re sacrificing your sexuality for his. That’s not fair to you. It’s also not good for your sex life or marriage in the long run.

Sex is for both of you. Some degree of give and take is reasonable, but when it becomes lopsided you’re no longer in a healthy sexual relationship.

And his expectations:

What about your husband, what does he really want sexually? Most wive’s don’t know. I suspect some are scared of what he might want. For what it’s worth, it’s probably not as horrible as you think.

In my Put An “O” In Valentine’s post a couple of weeks ago, I said, “Ask him what he wants you to do for him sexually. Then when he’s told you, ask him what he really wants.” 

Most decent guys are concerned they are oversexed perverts. Of they fear their wife would see them as such if they knew what he really wants. So if she asks, he gives her the mildest stuff and sees how she reacts. If he sees or thinks he sees any non-positive reaction, he’s done. He will make a point of never asking for anything more than that. The other thing that will shut him down is not doing what he mentioned in the next month or so.

If you want to know his deepest sexual desires, you’ll have to coax it out of him a bit at a time. Besides his fear, odds are he really doesn’t know what he wants. He never expects to get it, so thinking about it just makes him unhappy. Other guys could give a long list of things they want to try, and the reality is they would cross many things off the list after trying them once or twice. It’s hard to know if you will enjoy something until you try it.

If you want to thrill him and give him all the things he didn’t even know he wanted, you can. Just keep asking what he wants. Show him you won’t freak out and he will open up a bit more. Do some of what he talks about, and he will open up even more. If he brings up something you don’t think you want to do, tell him you’re not up to that right now, and ask him to suggest a couple of other things.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I wonder how many men will want to forward this to their wife, but won’t dare.

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