If you listen to men, you would think the vast majority of male adultery is because the man’s wife isn’t giving him enough sex. Or enough sexual variety. I can understand why men want that to be the truth, but it turns out it doesn’t line up well with reality.

In his book The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It, licensed family counsellor M. Gary Neuman studied hundreds of men who had cheated on their wives, along with husbands who had not cheated. Among other things, he asked men who cheated what lead them to cheat. 

• 48% said it was primarily due to emotional dissatisfaction
• 32% said it was equally emotional and sexual dissatisfaction
• Only 8% said they cheated primarily because of sexual dissatisfaction

Only 40% said sex was a reason, and only 8% said it was the primary reason. On the other hand, 80% said emotional dissatisfaction was a factor, with a majority of those saying it was the main reason. 

So, as much as a man may complain about sexual frustration, it’s emotional emptiness and distance that is the real marriage killer. I suspect it’s not just the primary reason for adultery, but also a major factor for men who divorce. The thing is men don’t want to admit this to themselves, much less their wife or other guys. Making it about sex is a way to save face.

That said, a lack of sex can cause a guy to feel emotionally distant. I’m not saying poor sex is irrelevant here. What I want you to know is men are not as shallow as you think (or as we pretend). We want and need an emotional connection with the woman we love.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I like connecting with Lori in many ways!

Image Credit: © Andrey Burmakin | stock.adobe.com 
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