When I was growing up, “Men don’t cry” was a big deal. A boy who cried in front of others was going to be harassed about it for a long time to come.

It’s a bit less bad today, but it’s still a very real thing and most men I know have been a victim of it.

The real problem is we don’t just shut down crying; we shut down emotions. “Men don’t cry” teaches us that emotions aren’t safe. If we allow ourselves to feel emotions, we might lose control. We might cry or do something else that “real men don’t do”. Emotions, in general, become the enemy. For many men, the only safe emotion is the “manly” emotion of anger. Anger doesn’t look weak; it seems strong and masculine.

Just as your childhood gave you body image issues, your husband’s childhood gave him emotional image issues. It’s just as real, just as painful, and just as difficult to overcome. If you can accept that analogy, maybe you can be more understanding and more helpful.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and what brings tears to my eyes is when the underdog triumphs. 

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