The last few years I’ve read a lot of articles that say what we expect from marriage has changed significantly in the last couple of generations. Your grandparents had relatively simple and functional requirements. A good provider, being a decent father, being dependable, these were what a woman wanted. She was not expecting a lot of emotional connection from her husband, that’s what her female friends and relatives were for.

Today both men and women expect far more in the way of emotional support from their spouse. In part, this is driven by the fact we have become far more transient. Few of us live near family and most of us have lost a number of friends to relocation.

I’m all for couples being more emotionally connected, but there is a danger here. God never intended our spouse to be our only friend, supporter, or confident. No one can single-handedly do all those things well over the long haul. Trying to be all that leads to frustration, resentment, and burn-out.

You need friends of your own. Your husband needs friends of his own. And your marriage needs you to have some common friends. Making sure all of these are covered is vital for your marriage.

BTW, men tend to be far worse at making real, close friends. Do whatever you can to encourage your husband to find and spend time with a few wise, godly men.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’ve got my Tuesday coffee guys.

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