This is a post that could easily be misunderstood, so let me address a couple of things up front. I am in no way excusing or downplaying sin here. What I’m doing it trying to define where the sin line is. The other way this could be misunderstood is if a woman says, “Well, if that’s the way it is I can’t win and I give up.” Please see past the biological facts and understand the issue of your husband’s choice.

Okay, that out of the way… Men are visually aroused. I’ve had women tell me they are just as aroused by what they see as men. I have no doubt some women are more aroused by what they see than most women, but they are not affected the way men are. I can say this categorically because women don’t have male minds and they don’t have the levels of testosterone men have. (For more on this see the resources at the end.)

I have zero interest in having sex with any woman other than my wife. What’s more, I have no desire to be turned on by any other woman, be it in real life or by images. However, if I opened a web page and up came a full page image of a woman’s genitals, I would be affected. Even before my conscious mind processed what I was seeing, the part of my brain responsible for sexual arousal would activate. Among other things, there would be an increased flow of blood to my genitals. As soon as my conscious mind caught up I’d look away, click away, and turn my mind away, so the arousal process would get cut short before much happened.

What I described is inevitable because I’m male. I don’t like it, I don’t secretly enjoy it, and I wish I could stop it. But I can’t. No amount of effort will change it. Praying about it would be like asking God to keep me from having goosebumps when I’m cold.

However, because I don’t like this, I choose to not follow it when it happens. As soon as I realise what I’m seeing, I stop looking and thinking about it. 

A couple of other things:

1. Seeing a half-naked woman affects a guy as I have described regardless of what that woman looks like. She doesn’t have to be beautiful or sexy, and she doesn’t have to be “his type”. The response is to her body, or more specifically parts of her body. The initial reaction has nothing to do with the woman. It says nothing about her or the man.
2. I hear women complain about their husband “staring at women”. Yeah, some men do that and it’s wrong. But the first one to two seconds is not staring. Past two seconds yes, it’s wrong. Before that, he has not had a chance to choose to not look.
3. Falsely accusing your husband of staring is a horrible thing to do. If he looked away quickly and you accuse him, that’s not making him feel good about you. The fact he can’t prove his innocence doesn’t make you right!
4. Being mad at him for how God made him is also a really bad plan.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I only have eyes for Lori.

Resources:
The Triggers of Sexual Desire: Men vs. Women | Psychology Today
Men and women differ in amygdala response to visual sexual stimuli. | Pub Med

Image Credit: © picjumbo_com | pixabay.com
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