This post is based on a rather old comment over on TGH, and on a post I made about it last week.

The comment:

“So why do women have to be emotionally connected to have sex with their husbands? When my wife was single she had sex with over 60 guys and I can almost guarantee that the bulk of those were random one-night hookups with strangers. So she can give them sex without them having to jump through hoops but she won’t help me with my needs now! Hypocrite.”

I explained to the guys the difference is the woman was giving a man sex, not making love with him. This explanation didn’t seem to go very far with the men. I stand by it, and I think any man married to a woman with a sexual past needs to understand this. 

However, over here, I want to try to help the women think about this from the man’s side. He knows his wife had sex with several other men before she was with him and it seems she said yes the vast majority of the time. But with the man she says she loves she say no more often than yes. Or another common issue, hubby knows she did oral on several boyfriends, but she won’t do it on him.

I think I have a decent understanding of some of the reasons women do these things and I’m not suggesting she should force herself to do something she doesn’t like with her husband. That said, can you see how it looks to him? Some guy, or guys, she claims she didn’t love the way she loves him, got sexual favours he can’t get, or doesn’t get as often as her past loves did. Can you understand why that is upsetting and painful? 

I don’t have an easy fix for this. But I would suggest a woman in this situation needs to understand the problem is a consequence of her sin. If she hadn’t sinned with other guys, her husband would not be making these comparisons and feeling like he’s getting the short end of the stick. Making it all about him is a good defence, but it’s not honest and it’s not dealing with the problem.

If this applies to you, may I suggest you give it some prayer and deep thought? 

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I can see both sides on this one.

Image Credit: © geralt | pixabay.com
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