Over on TGH, I have suggested to the guys that they and their wives should both make a list of what they must have in their marriage.

I want to suggest the same here, but with a few words about why some women will be tempted to cut the legs out from under this.

• Women are taught to be nice, get along, and not make waves. A list like this violates all of that in principle and it’s even worse if she dares to list something her husband is not currently doing or doing well.
• Then there’s, “He’s not done it for seventeen years, so why would I expect him to start now?”
• And of course, there’s “He knows, he has to know.” 

The answer to the last one is men don’t read minds and don’t get hints as well as women do. The second one may also be a matter of he doesn’t know. Even if he does, making it part of your must-have list tells him which things really matter to you. As for the first issue, while it may be presented with Bible verses, it’s not in the Bible. 

And then, of course, there’s “I don’t deserve to be treated well” or “I don’t deserve a good marriage”. Again, these things conflict with the truth of the Bible.

So make an honest list and let the chips fall where they may. As I told the men, be sure to include on your list must-haves that he is meeting.  

When you share your lists, limit it to making sure you each understand the other’s list. Then spend a few days thinking about each other’s lists before you have any further discussion. Ideally, that follow up talk starts with each of you committing to work on one or more of the other’s must-haves where you have been falling short.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and Lori is rockin’ my must-have list.

Image Credit: © thinglass | stock.adobe.com
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.