I recently rewatched Brené Brown’s Listening to Shame TED Talk. In the video, she mentions a man who asked her why she doesn’t talk about men and she said she did not study men. He said her advice to be vulnerable didn’t fit his reality. He said his wife and daughters would rather watch him die on top of his white horse than fall down. He said when men are vulnerable to the women in their life they get the sh*t beat out of them – by those women!

After studying men, Brown found most women can’t sit with a man in his vulnerability. I have seen the same thing in many, many couples. I’ve even seen it in my marriage, although that has changed. When I had my stoke I saw a hint of it from Lori. She chose not to act on it, but it was there.

Women expect men to be strong. They expect us to stand up to anything and keep going no matter what. They say we need to be vulnerable, but when we do it they react badly. It seems to scare a woman to think her husband is not able to deal with anything and everything. She needs him to be strong. She needs him to shrug off adversity.

Think about how this plays out in your life. How do you feel if your husband shows a hint of weakness? How do you act when he shows limits? Is what you expect of him right or fair? Is the way you treat him causing him to hide some of himself from you? Does it push him in unhealthy ways as he tries to live up to an impossible standard?

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m human too.

♥ #CouplesQuestion: What do you have in common with your spouse?

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