In women, the ever-changing levels of hormones means sex drive/interest changes all the time. Given men doesn’t have a cycle, you might think his sex drive is far more regular. 

This is not actually the case.

Men’s sex drive also varies. And while I can explain some of why that happens, I don’t understand it fully. There are times when I am unusually horny for no discernible reason and times when I’m less interested than usual for no discernible reason. 

What we see and think during the day is a factor. But it’s a bit complicated. It’s like it gives us a short term boost that gradually drops off. So we might go from 50% to 90% and then over a few hours drop to 55%. If our wife is available and possibly willing when we hit 90% there is a good chance we will seek sex. But hours later the push for sex is not much more than it would have been if we’d not seen or thought whatever.

If we get multiple arousing things during a day that bumps our drive the end result will be a much higher desire as each one leaves us a bit more aroused. Porn use can do this, but that’s not the only thing. If you fondle him in the morning and make it clear there’s going to be wild sex tonight, he’s going to think about that off and on all day and come home at 130%. If you had great sex last night he will think of it all day and that will result in a higher drive than usual.

Non-sexual things can also push his interest up. Anything that makes him feel close and intimate to you is going to bump his drive. And these bumps don’t seem to drop off as much as more sexual bumps.

On the other side, tiredness, stress, sadness, busyness, depression and relationship problems can reduce his drive. And again, the effect stacks. This can mean he wakes up all about sex and then has no interest by bedtime. (If you hubby often says no at bedtime, try him first thing in the morning before life runs his drive into the ground!)

BTW, if you don’t see variances in his sex drive and he’s not young, it may be an indication he’s “not getting enough”. If he’s running at 100% all the time, you won’t see any spikes or dips.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and male sexuality is not a simple as you might think.

A post worth reading:

Still Drowning in Shame Over Your Past Promiscuity? | Intimacy in Marriage – It’s not God making you feel that way!

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