A week ago I wrote Sex For The Right Reasons over on The Generous Husband. In that post, I told men seeking sex from their wife because they “got turned on by porn or imagining sex with the hot waitress you had while out on a date-night” was a wrong reason.

In the comments, one of you said:

“Ever since I started reading Christian marriage resources, I have been surprised (and often disheartened) at how often writers refer to husbands imagining other women naked (even though the woman is fully clothed), or imagining having sex with some other woman (just like this article does).

Is it really as prevalent as writers appear to make it seem? Is this true for most men, or a minority? Is it easy to avoid, or is the lure very difficult to fight? Is it really the case that a married couple can be out sharing time together, and the husband is so easily drawn to thinking explicit sexual thoughts about random women that he might walk past?“

I’d never thought of it that way, but I can see why women would see it like that.

The reality is some men are like this and others struggle to not be this way. That makes it a necessary thing to address when talking to men. This is why you will see such things over and over. However, the frequency of the warnings does not mean the problem is widespread.

First and foremost, please know that most husbands have no desire to lust after other women. Given that, they don’t do it. If something catches their eye, they stop it long before it gets to fantasy.

Is it tough to fight? For most men not really. They stop it somewhere between seeing something that grabs their arousal reflex and imagining having sex with the woman. Where along that line he stops varies from man to man and to some degree it depends on the situation and how he’s doing mentally and emotionally. So most of the time he might turn his eyes and his mind immediately, but if he’s tired or stressed he might look twice or let his mind linger after his eyes have turned away. It’s kind of like seeing a great dessert when you’re dieting. 

Being with you makes it way, way easier for him to avoid the temptation. That’s not because he’s worried about you “catching” him. His mind is on you and that makes it far more difficult for anyone else to get in there.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I only have eyes for my wife!

A post worth reading:

Tease and Please | The Generous Wife – Give him a little thrill, then a big thrill!

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