Over on The Generous Husband, I hear from a lot of men who are frustrated, hurt, angry, depressed and so on about the lack of sex in their marriage. I talk to them about the need to tell their wife what sex means to them, Growing Up Sexually, dealing with their anger, making sure sex is good for her, The Sexual Reality Of Most Women, sexual pain, how to ask for sex, Words That Might Derail Your Sex Life, and on and on and on.

All of that is good information and things men need to understand. But I get frustrated because I know many men are not going to have nearly enough sex even if they get it all right. For many men, sex is 100% controlled by their wife, and she’s stingy.

Of course, most of those wives are not trying to be stingy. They are the way they are in part because they don’t understand what sex means to a man. And by that, I mean how God made men.

For men, sex means deep connection. It makes him feel close, loved, and intimate. It opens him up so he can be intimate in non-sexual ways. It makes him feel his wife understands and cares for him. And of course, a lack of sex communicates the opposite. 

The other thing I think most women miss is that sex makes men vulnerable. Just asking for sex can be humbling, even if the answer nearly always yes. A man is 100% dependant on our wife for sex, and that’s scary. When a man hears no more often than yes, he feels controlled by his wife.

I realise many women wish all of these things were not true, and I suspect some say this is just men causing themselves problems. But the reality is this is how virtually all men feel and wishing it were not so doesn’t change it.

To put it bluntly, you have your husband by the balls and he knows it. What you do with that power tells him if you love him as much as you say you do. It may not seem fair, but it’s reality.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’ve heard plenty of men wish they could turn off their sex drive.

A post worth reading:

Love Hope Adventure | Take Turns Giving Each Other an Orgasm – More focus, more fun.

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