A couple of weeks ago I wrote Growing Up Sexually over on The Generous Husband. In that post, I suggested to men that becoming more mature about sex meant being less selfish.

Today I want to address grown-up sexuality here with you ladies. I am not going to tell you it’s about being less selfish. In fact, I’m going to suggest it’s about being more selfish!

I’m sure a lot of husbands will say their sex life is bad because their wife is sexually selfish. But I disagree. If a woman is limiting sex in her marriage, I think it’s because she doesn’t enjoy sex. Or doesn’t enjoy it enough to make it worth the effort. And while there are plenty of reasons for a woman to not enjoy sex, I think failure to be all about her own pleasure is the biggest one.

Growing up, boys are taught to be sexually aggressive, going after what they want. Girls are taught to be sexually repressed, fending off boy’s advances and denying her own sexuality and sexual urges. For Christian women, a lot of premarital sex is giving in to a man. She’s not doing it because she is so turned on she can’t stop, she is doing it because he is so turned on he can’t stop. This means for many women early sex is all about his pleasure and not at all about her pleasure. This is a big reason for the “orgasm gap” that is such a big deal these days.

If you look at the woman in Song of Songs, she was not just going along with an oversexed husband. She was all bout sex. She wanted it and she expected to enjoy it. Sex was not something she did for him, it was something they did for both of them.

If immature female sexuality is “I don’t have a sex drive, but I’ll do it for you” then mature female sexuality is “I want sex, and I want it to be good for both of us.”

Do you need to be a bit more selfish in bed? Do you expect sex to be great for you? Do you speak up if it’s not?

~ Paul – I’m XY, and sexually selfish woman are much better lovers!

A post worth reading:

PsyPost | New research indicates that women are more likely to fall asleep after sex than men – Just FYI

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