Last week when I suggested you “threaten” to masturbate if your husband refuses sex often, I was fully aware this runs counter to how most women function. There are a variety of studies going back several decades that have found single women masturbate more when they are in a sexual relationship. A more recent study found that married women who are satisfied with their sex life masturbated more than those who were not satisfied. They were not doing to make up for a lack of sex, but because good sex with their husband meant they were aroused more often.

For men, it’s different. Men masturbate to “make up the difference” between the sexual frequency they want and the amount of sex they’re having. However, the recent study I mentioned above found an interesting nuance. For men, the frequency of masturbation was more closely related to sexual discontentment than to sexual frequency. Of course, discontentment can come from a lack of sex, but it also comes from not having the kind of sex a man wants. In the comments on this blog, there have been a number of men say they would rather do it themselves than engage in “mercy sex” or unenthusiastic sex.

If the issue is quality more than quantity, having more of the same sex won’t change anything in a man’s mind. For many men, the issue is both quantity and quality, and while they may say quantity is more important, this study suggests improving quality may have a more powerful effect.

If your husband expresses dissatisfaction with sex, or if you’re bothered by the fact he masturbates, making sex better for him may be the solution. I’m not saying to ignore the issue of how often, but higher quality should be a top priority. And, making sex better may be easier than doing it more often.

As for what makes sex better, check back in seven days!

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I find this stuff fascinating!

Reference:

Psychology Today | Masturbation and Marriage ◄ Masturbation serves differing roles in marriage; for women, it primes the pump.

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