The last couple weeks on both this blog and over on The Generous Husband, several women have said something to the effect of “I think men not getting the kind of sex they want is because of their porn use.”

I certainly can understand not wanting to be used to fulfil your husband’s porn fueled fantasies. But there are two big problems with this idea.

1. Most men spend a good deal of time thinking about sex. And this starts early. By the time you married him, he’d been imagining various ways of having sex for more than half his life. Even if he never saw porn, he’d have come up with virtually everything found in porn and then some.
2. If you exclude every sex act found in porn, you can’t have sex. Even kissing can be found in porn. So when you say you won’t do what he’s seen in porn, but do some of what he’s seen, what he hears is that you will decide what is and is not allowed.

I’m no apologist for porn and I tell men to knock it off regularly. But refusing sex because he saw it or “must have seen it” in porn is bogus. And he knows it’s bogus and it just makes you look unreasonable in his mind. If you don’t want to try something, then don’t. Please don’t use porn as a scapegoat!

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I hate how porn hurts marriages!

A post worth reading:

calm. healthy. sexy. |  New Day, New Way – or, It’s Never Too Late to Start Something New ◄ You can change course today!

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