Last week over on The Generous Husband I warned the men about approaching sex in a way that makes it a control issue.

The sad reality is control is often a component of a couple’s sex life.

Unless a husband and wife enjoy the same acts and want the same amount of sex, one person is going to control how much sex they have and what they do. Usually, the person with less drive controls how often, and the person with the narrow menu controls what they do. 

If the lower drive spouse is generous they may do more than they want. That’s great, but the low drive person is still in control. On the other extreme if the higher drive spouse won’t take no for an answer and the low drive spouse always gives in, then the higher drive spouse has taken control.

This gets ugly when the issue of control becomes bigger than the sex. A spouse may say no to sex even when they’re willing to exert control in the relationship. Or a spouse might ask for sex they don’t really want to exert control, or to be told no so they can feel mad about their spouse bring controlling. It can become quite a mess!

All of this is to say think about your sex life and the issue of control. Has the issue of control gotten out of hand? Do you ever say yes or no because of control? Do you ever seduce or ask for sex because of control?

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I wish sex were not so complicated!

A post worth reading:

PsyPost | Women overestimate men’s desire for thinness in a female partner and men overestimate women’s preference for muscularity ► And every husband says “See, I told you so!”

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